army is good. haha. my mum asked me why do i grow fatter. lol. anyway it's just an orientation phase, so things are going on in a extremely slack manner. M16 is a nice rifle to handle too, just that it's too long. oh, one real disappointing thing is that i wouldn't get to learn fighting in a buildup area, which is my favourite. so basically, so far so good. in fact, my buddy and i are hoping that they will increase the training intensity.

if you have noticed, in the army(or in fact in life), the people most willing to help you are those that are always committing mistakes. in my platoon, the guys who always got scolded are the one who can work in the most united way, whereas those guys who are always first to reach a certain place, clean record, etc, are those who will not help you in the most urgent situation. they only care about themselves.

i'm looking at my NS in such manner : to train up my endurance, discipline and physical and to make more friends. that's about it. ok, maybe it's also to learn combat things. in this manner, i truly enjoy my days. whenever we have to run i really run till i almost vomit. 100% effort. running in boots and fieldpack and sometimes with all the standard battle o on is a really good way to train. ok, i'm so tired now. i was so excited about coming home that i can't sleep last night. then i did situps which made me even more awake.

time flies. i was just wondering it seems days ago when daryl enlist 5 weeks ago. in another 10 hours, i will be in pulua tekong, ready for my next stage of life. somehow interesting is i seem to be looking forward to army. this is pretty unusual. i used to hate being shouted at. i used to hate rushing about when i'm doing things. now it all seem so familiar again. maybe this time it's going to be more fun. with the real combat boots and the real rifle. haha. oh, i was still wondering what happen if someone were to fall in the Standard Obstacle Course and the log hit in the space between his legs. ouch!

in addition, this 30months shall be the period of time where i build my physical and mental endurance. when i come out of national service, it's back to the same old dream chasing after the Hawaiian Ironman finisher medal. and also, i hope that by the end of national service, i will have enough spare cash for my new time trial bike. oh yea, one thing to rejoice, there's a new gym at hougang, within walking distance. ah ha! no more lazy excuses for me to miss training next time. oh ya, i've sealed the T-shirts i have from the 'terry fox run' and the half-marathon. i also sent an email to inform them that i have not received my certificate for my half-marathon. besides all these, i also make plans to take part in singapore marathon(full distance this time) annually. of course, i would also love to contribute and enjoy at the terry fox run. all these can only happen if i'm healthy and fit. so take care of my own knee, myself! in course of NS, i will also be taking part in 'army half marathon' run. so i will not be out of touch. yay~

ah~i really miss the feeling of having a textbook in my hand. i pray and i pray i can get a scholarship and go abroad to study. i can't wait for my university life to start. btw, i'm all ready to work with government board. in fact, i guess i love to do so. it's somewhere where i can learn alot of things. in any case, i do hope PSC wouldn't reject me based on the psychometric test which i've taken yesterday. haha. btw, in the test, i disagree with all political parties and community services. i did the puzzle very very fast though (and i'm confident of the answer). suddenly i regretted not being a hardworking boy in VJC. but i always feel this way before i start another chapter of my life. lol.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

in another 18 hours or so i will be exchanging my pink identification card into the green 11B NS man identification card. i'm hoping the wet season will be over real soon and let the dry season take over. i like it hot and dry rather than wet and humid.

now i realised i've got lotsa things to do. i need to tidy my room, go out to buy stuff for army use, pack my bag(night maybe) and last of all i need to hide my porn magazines people got for me from korea and japan. lol! and of all times, i crave for homework and notes and books. haha. i want to go back to the lecture theatre to sit there and learn things. anyway, never mind. there will also be lectures in the army.

now i just pray that
1) don't get injured in army
2) don't get insane in army
3) get the hell into OCS

so much so for now. till then, i will be a better person. btw, i'm also looking at NS as a form of escape from all the stress and troubles i have.

damn it. i'm damn pissed with my computer right now. first it keep disconnecting me for no obvious reason then it just hanged suddenly, erasing the blog that i have just typed but not publish. then the mouse isn't working properly. ah. maybe it's just another indication for me to go to sleep.

in any case, i was just blabbering about how nice the show 'hero' is. go catch it.

i will be enlisted into national service in about 32 hours time. another chapter in my life. this blog will be abandoned till i have time to update about my life during weekends. in any case, my first bookout will be at the end of this month. now, i just can't wait to hold the M16 and fire it. can't wait to learn all the tactics in war. woo!

FUCK!
yesterday i wasted $13 on transport alone, wasted my damn time, wasted my damn energy and wasted the chance of getting together with my friends so that i can go for the pilot selection interview. not so bad after all. the interview was a breeze. i was told i passed it. then i was informed that i need to go for medical reassessment as there're some murmuring sound in my heart. for christ sake! i was so damn bloody cold, nervous and tired when i did the ECG and the doctor knew about it. i asked him and he say since it's because of the above reasons, it's ok.

then they make me wake up so early this morning and squeezed in the bus at peak hours to go down to aeromedical centre to take the reference letter. the ladies told me pilot selection review will be somewhere in april. now, they called me and told me that the higher authority do not approve my application and i got ZERO chance to even apply again. lucky shit i didn't choose to pay $250 to go to a private clinic to retake my ECG.

bad things do come in packages. damn it.

now i really what i'm going to do in the future. i was so sure that pilot IS the job for me and i'm really going to strive for it. maybe i should try the navy next. i doubt my mental ability. if not, i think i will really listen to the lt col and join the commandoes. haha. what other kind of jobs are present that involve precision, high level of training, challenges, prestige and prospects?

hmm...i do feel much better spilling my thoughts out. after typing the blog about how i'm envious of blacked's life, i actually have the motivation to start training instead of just bumming around at home each day.

observing the ease of how others run make me realised how important our core body muscle is. btw, by core body mean ur trunk. according to books(and it's what i agree totally), running with weak core is like having your energy from your legs to be dissipated in the flabby core rather than to let it push you forward. if you do have a strong core, for every step you take, the energy will be rebounded back to your legs to push you forward. make sense, doesn't it?

i almost missed my last bus last night because i was paying a little too much attention to the BMW new 3 series (driven by a pretty lady) right in front of me. i wonder when i will owe that kind of car.

this is terrible. i wonder when's my pilot selection interview. i vaguely remember that the guy called me and mentioned "15th, this thursday". (i was taking a nap). geez! it's only till last night that i remember that TODAY is 15th but the headache is today is wednesday. i hope it's thursday. if not i will be a piece of dead meat.

that fellow. how dare him stop me when i'm cycling and accused me of stealing his bike. doesn't he know any manners? first he insulted me by implying that i'm not fit to own a bike. geez! he doesn't even know what's a bottom bracket. i told him that i can show him the receipt for all he wants and he still have the audacity to request that i meet him some other days. not only that, after i show him the receipt, he still says "a receipt doesn't mean anything". and amazingly i don't know where i found my sarcasm last evening. haha. i was so mean. i talked like mr chai, psycho chai, my ex sailing teacher. lol. so much i've learnt from him. haha

hmm..my cycling fitness is getting much more better, considering the speed i'm at relative to the wind speed yesterday. this is amazing. i can maintain my cycling fitness and the tone of my quads but i just can't maintain my running and swimming fitness. yesterday i was just wondering how this national service can break a young male sportsman. that young man have to stop whatever technique training he's in so that he can be trained to hold a m16. so much so for a young man with athletic dream. i can't deny that he can resume his training after ns, but look at it. 2 years is worth alot for a upcoming sports star. 2 years is a deal of time when the national association can find replacements. geez. why am i speaking as if i'm against national service? i'm looking forward to learn combat stuff. but i just can't stand how it's going to take away 2 years of my life. maybe it's much better if they can allow me to finish my university degree after my basic military training.

watching "fear factor" has exposed me to another reality of the behavior of men and women. women kept their calm while men are just so egoistic and aggressive. look at how a woman and a man behave after they have fallen into the water when they fail their mission. typically a woman will just smile it off or she will just mouth the word "ohh...", whereas for a man, first he will punch the water, then he will look so pissed. haha. it's interesting. and also, men do not admit they are scared even though their eyes betrayed them and their hands go shaking. sometimes i do love reality shows.

everytime i read blacked's blog i envy her. her life seems to be very fulfilling. here i am, bumming each day off, doing nothing but just gaining fats. right now, i'm feeling very, very empty. it's almost like a depression. what happen to all my ideals, my dreams and my ambition?

last night after watching those typical show about gangsters in hong kong, i feel quite lucky that i have such strict parents when i was young. like allan always say, "if not for my father, i will have become a street gangster" can you people imagine that i was accused of collecting protection money in school in primary three? can you imagine that i led a few guys to punch another guy who punched me accidentally? can you imagine that i had a 'big brother' in primary school? thankfully all these rubbish came to a stop in my secondary school. however, i will not be surprised if it all starts again after i enlist. even if it did, i will not be the one walking around on street. it will be like in primary school, where i'm the one with connection with both the dark and the bright side. btw, i was the apple in my teacher's eyes and i was the prefect leader for my level. geez!

i always fantasize about how i will own a collection of gun myself and have a small team of elite members. then i will go around killing people whom i have tolerated for very long. i guess i'm those kind of person who will tolerate whatever nonsense threw at me but once the threshold is reached, i don't go for small fry. i do the real thing. and thank god that i have a forgiving heart.

i'm crying. deep down inside my shell. a broken shell.

aww~ i missed ashley and pinky. lol
hooters!!! this time round, the waitresses are friendly, maybe because it's a smaller group and it's less crowded. not bad, got 1free sprite and 2 free lemon tea worth $12.90 all together and we manage to have ice water, which is not available if you're served by other waitresses. look for ashley man! we will be back next month man. i don't want to go on my birthday though. i don't really like being in the limelight. guys, let's go on Chinese New Year "chu san". ashley's birthday. lol

going to hooters never fail to amaze me why some girls would work there. to put it simply, they are just parading themselves in the restaurant.

yay~ i finally got the comment thing up. now i will have the chance to see how people respond to my opinions.

after losing so many rounds of guessing game consecutively, i'm starting to think about how the 40deg fevers have affected my brain. to think i used to be so witty and agile. now, i'm perpetually blur and my brains can't seem to focus at times. right now, after been distracted by other webpages, i'm stumped. i don't know how to continue. i should try to control my brains so that i stop thinking in fragments. people sometimes look at me in a really really weird manner.

it's sweet to receive "good night" sms every night. then again, it could be misleading. bleah. or maybe i'm thinking too much. btw, i wonder how people look at relationships these days. to me, the moment you bring you partner to meet your friends and parents(esp), it means that both of you are more or less 'unbreakable'. relationship also shouldn't be based solely on humour, complaints and others. why am i giving opinions when i don't know much?

now my wild ambition of becoming a racer has returned. it's so cool! guess the nearest i can get to this wild ambition is to speed around kallang stadium carpark or the circuit at johor once a while. if i'm lucky enough i will be able to try the sepang formula one circuit. all these is only much possible when i get myself a car. mitsubishi evo series and subaru impreza wrx series will be on my top list.

"watching Ironman on tv is inspirational. too bad ESPN rather shows repeats of soccer matches and boring golf. if only they can broadcast something like Ironman everyday." - friend
ya..i'm still brooding over the fact that i missed the 90minutes hawaiian ironman highlights on espn.

why do we always do the "wrong" thing that others think is "right"? we are no longer living in a world of moral if you have noticed. we are living in a new era. the world in which only money talks.

i realised that i have learn to cycle more carefully on the roads and pavements after witnessing the accident my friend had. geez. kenn, who didn't witness the thing is still cycling so recklessly.

is there such things as pre-army blues? or is it post a level blues? or issit bummer's blues? after parting my buddies in town last night, i went for supper myself. after that, i simply walked around, enjoying the breeze on my face. sitting down whenever i see a seat. i kinda like it. i think i want to do the same thing again later. this time is in the daytime and it's going to be more interesting with people walking around. haha. guess my bro experience the same thing last year.

click click click click click

that's the sound i hear everyday. icq, the internet, channel surfing, sms. bleah.
i need to find one day where i detach myself from all these electronic communications. the prediction that our offspring may have bigger thumbs is right. look at how we use our thumbs for remote controls and mobile phones. the future generation may also have a much bigger head than body since they just need to think of new innovation and machinery will do all the physical work.

i may be viewed as outdated but let me tell you, i still prefer books over webpages, letters over emails, voices over sms and keys over cards. the latter do not give me a sense of security and a sense of possesion. and what beats the smell of paper while you are reading the book?

"we are now in a world of longevity, no longer in a world of love" - healing hands2

"regret for the things we did can be tampered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable"

"if you haven't tried it, don't lick(judge) it"

jes present me this two qoutes for her university admission essay and asked for my opinions. i love these 2 qoutes.

is everyone around me using prose to express their inner feelings? i can't. i just can't get the words out. this is so sad. darn.

(btw, tennis wasn't on because of miscommunication)
darn again. i can't even complete a 2km run proper. almost threw up by the roadside. i swear i'm not going to take such a long break from working out again.(1 whole bloody month). my quads are gone. core body strength is gone. i look like jelly fish trying to run. bleah~ it's good that i manage to realise this 2 weeks before i enlist. i don't want to throw up first day in camp and wear a "light duty" tag for three weeks.

visit singaporemarathon website. check out the photos on the first page. geez. i still keep to my observation that girls who are runner are so pretty. i guess the running tone their body into such beautiful curves and also running improve your blood circulation, improving your complexion. however, one thing to note. everyone will look exhausted and ugly at the finish line. haha. so you know where to keep a lookout for your babes.

i've been reading newspaper everyday. amazing hur? haha. it's seem like there are lots of things happening so far away and yet they can affect my life so much. sometimes i hate reading newspaper. it will give me this ambition of going into politics. then again, a glimpse at the world for only 60cents. why not? besides, i need to study the papers so that my interview will go on smoothly.

time for my 1hour recovery nap. i'm aching all over after the core body strength workout at home. if you think that you don't need the nap after your workout, you are not even working out. look at the timetable of athletes. they will have this short 1hour nap. wonder if i should abandon my fried rice lunch. oh, have i mentioned before that i love to drink concentraded cold milo after workout.

"but i suppose that if she were to stop (nagging), it'll mean she has stopped caring, and that's not something i want." - sumiko tan, sundaylife.

favourite activity on sunday : turn on the music loud. sit on the sofa and face the empty house. total satisfaction.

bored. not because i have nothing to do. i want to do alot of things but i can't even leave my house. i'm broke. have to wait for my mum to return me my atm card. my friend was afraid of being portrayed as selfish so she decided not to ask me to shopping with her. anyway, good one. i'm lazy today. today is sunday. lazy day. or isn't it everyday for me? lol. ws once mentioned. people like me who know that we are lazy and refused to change it are hopeless. lol.

shall return to my "return to castle wolfenstein". no choice. i can't get "hot pursuit2" to start. tmr shall be a day of tennis, bike washing and gym(if i have the will and energy)

"give the man a fish and he will eat a day. teach him how to fish and he will drink beer all day."

the world is so big and we are just like drops of water in the vast ocean. do not assume it's flat as you may only be seeing a small portion of the big sphere.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

visit ph8. geez. his blog is real funny.

i'm not going to stand those people who thinks they are higher in status than anyone around them anymore. and also those people who doesn't even know how to respect and appreciate their friends. and also those people who give you that kind of tone when you have to reject them. geez! why do i meet so many haughty people?

i've been getting fat. for the past two days, sporting activities were cancelled due to muscle aches. i'm going to plan my two week long training programme, starting next week. it's going to be double training since i'm so free at home everyday. "the best way to go faster is to get rid of those fats." maybe i will ride down to ecp later. depends.

don't we all love simple people? we do not have to build this invisible defence wall while talking to them and we don't even need to think about their motives(coz they have none!). talking about this, i realised that i do not miss my jc classmates. in fact i don't even think about them. maybe i need to clarify this. haha. not all classmates i'm talking about here. there are some really nice people. (eg: jy, ws, yh, k, sw) gosh~! this is all i can come up with?! i pray my army mates will be better people. i just knew someone who taught me about filial piety. and it brought me to another question : does the way i treat my mum define what kind of person i am? i've tried to change but let's face it. i just can't stand the way she talk. it's not as if i love to shout at my parents. it's not as if i don't like to talk to them. hai~ i still want to blame them for letting me know something which they shouldn't have let me knew. maybe that's when all these started. i'm remembering all these because i'm not going to treat my offspring the same manner. "the wise learn from other people's mistakes."

i've been having morbid dreams. just woke up from a nightmare with me investigating cases of serial killings. and i have a sudden realisation that i'm already very old. not long before i need a walking stick.

got my paycheck. earn more than what i have expected. so i'm not going to be bothered to double check. shopping is up next. plenty for me to buy but most importantly, it's the essentials for the army.

i have a little notebook which i write down qoutes and experiences which will enable me to be a better person. a little notebook. a small qoute. a better person.

"give the boy food for a day and you feed him for a day. teach him how to cook and he mess up your kitchen for life"

haha. i'm going to cook myself lunch tomorrow. though i don't know what to cook. will be going to the supermarket to check out what's there for me to try. haha

my left knee is hurting. not the wound from the beach volleyball but the joint itself. must have hurt it at work. and btw, it's no joke standing for one whole day since 5:30am and then walked one whole night till 8am.

i'm just staring at this blank screen, nothing on my mind that i wish to tell the world. or maybe it's that i haven't been experiencing anything new. guess i'm just lazy to think. i'm still very tired. i have a question in my head but as usual, i will think about it myself before i say it out.

new yr resolution : get into ocs n qualify for pilot post.