how do you feel when you hear our national anthem on "today at the games"? i teared man. so proud of them! also, i gave quite a loud "yesh!" on the bus when singapore scored in the football game until i realised i'm in uniform. haha. free publicity of patriotism. however, i do not feel anything when the lady won some medals in the discus event. foreign import don't impress. maybe singapore should start training up more local (true blue) athletes instead of ALWAYS depend on foreigners. nonetheless, well done teamsingapore!

anyway, i feel quite sad for indonesia. fancy dropping the baton 20m before the finishline.

anyway, some random thoughts which i don't have anymore energy to type.

owning a car. man vs woman. my boss now command exactly the same pay as most people around in the brigade. or rather, MUCH higher than some who owns car. why? my theory is car = status and status = ego boost. man are, afterall, egoistic. just take a look around. if a woman need a car much more than the man in a family, the family probably owns 2 cars. or maybe it because man don't save for rainy days while woman save ALOT.

don't try credit cards. i have the opportunity to take a look at statements of account for some guy. OMG! he has about (can't remember the number) 10 credit cards. and on the average, he owes each account 4k! amazing man!!!!! i wonder how is he EVER going to finish paying that. he might as well sponsor me for my studies.

once again, let me say it. don't try to use emotions on me when i say no. don't fugging think everybody should lead a life you think.

i better put my thoughts into words before i convince myself to deviate again.

next semester (year), i swear i will attend all lessons! EVERYTHING! i will be a good student. i will read all my notes before lectures. i will prepare for my tutorials, will try them no matter how hard are the questions. i will have academic discussions with my classmates. i will do all my online assignments. i will prepare my own notes as the lecture series progress. i will research beyond what is taught in the lectures. i will work so hard so that i need to go for consultation.

if i love to learn, why not maximise it? i always get very happy during exams period when i'm with all the books. why not make it last the whole year?

i will be really hardworking. HOWEVER, i will be a all-round student instead of a nerd.

i will also train hard, with Osim tri in july being the focus. i've decided to stop my quest for a full marathon. i realised i do not have the time to train. i don't want to start feeling depressed again if i don't reach what i aim. i will just improve on my mid and short distance (10km. short?!?! gasp!) i will attempt to take part in desaru half-ironman(september) if time, training and everything permit.

2006 schedules for all events will be out soon.

i will start sailing every weekend. (i will organise if no one does) i will also try out for more positions in bizcom. politics don't knock me down. i just want me resume to look nice. i will work hard and bitch less.

i will start learning some skills (of which i've not thought of any. i still want to learn what they do in a car garage)

i will catch up with friends more. this is a very serious thing. i've realised what happened to me this year and last year is that i spent too much time wasting in alcohol and clubs. i do not have solid bonds with friends, that probably cause all the downs in my life. recently, i've chosen hanging out and movies and i've become happier. after my "bankruptcy" in october, i've finally found the simpler things in life.

i will be stronger. project stronger-me.

i'm very amazed by how i finished half a module of revision in an hour. i even manage to solve the questions. so i did not merely read through them only. thanks to the time i spent sacrificing image and stare at pillars and structures and looked like a complete dork. i'm just getting more confident of my potential to do damn well. well, i just hope the results for this semester will not disappoint me. realistically speaking i think they will. let's take a look at the handicap i have now.

physics : 5% online assignments 5% attendance
statics and mechanics : 12% online assignments
making sense of society : 5% attendance 5% forum participation

fuck. just don't fail me.

i hate doing assignments online. why can't we stick to paper and pen?! the trusted way! bleah.

anyway, on the train ride last night, a little girl struck me that theory of relativity do not occur to us human as instinct. how on earth did we realised that even before we learn about it? the girl was sitting in the train, and was telling her mother that the train is travelling in the same direction as the lights outside the window. why would she say that although she felt the backward motion of herself when the train began to move? how on earth did we VERY FIRST perceive relativity?

such is the wonder of physics.

also, i'm wondering, we definitely shit less than we eat, as in the mass (weight) itself. where the hell did the rest of the mass go?? the production of energy in our body is a cyclic process. so how come molecules(mass) are disappearing from our body? where did they go?! such is a disturbing thought. if this were to continue to infinity time, we will just vanish into thin air!!! OMG!

will you believe we are living in a 2-dimensional world? think about how thing will look like in 2-D. it still make absoute sense. if the world ain't 2-D that varies with time, how on earth did programmers come up with "3-D" games? how on earth are we able to see things on a flat TV screen. we are made believe the world is 3-D. it's all perception. think about it.

will you take the red pill or the blue pill?

i'm nothing.

i've no achievement at the age of 21.

i've lived for i-don't-know-what for 2 decades.

i'm a bitch

slap me.

hard.

exams exams exams.

fuck. i got freaked out for my first paper. it was so bad that after one hour, i wanted to gave up. thank god i don't have 200k in my bank. that's what make me try again. it's so freakish. to stare at the paper and not know what is it talking about. well, anyway i think i'm just placing too much stress on myself. i took a 5minutes break, and everything look simple again. thank god i learn how to derive everything by first principles rather than memorise deadly the pages of formulae.
i realised i have a rather perverted thinking. i was in a pretty bad mood because i didn't sleep well. however, the moment i reach the exam venue and saw everyone stressing themselves out, i actually smiled. WTF! hahha. and i saw one of my old classmate. he was holding a 10pages long of self-made revision paper and he asked about me. i told him mine is only 3 pages and he snigger. blardy fucker. then i took a look at his list and went,

"how come you want to memorise such things?"
"this is needed you know! you ah...everything also don't know"
"no, i meant, i can derive it rather easily. why bother wasting my time and brain?"

he got stunned. you should see the look on his face! pure shock! he was still trying to figure out how to derive it when the doors opened. lol.

hai~ i don't know. i found another reason to slack. i see my neighbour mugging everyday in his room. however, sadly for him (he's a nice guy ok), he can't do some of the questions. i mean, things that i can do he can't. why? because you have to learn the derivation process to solve and he memorised the final equation. hai~ what shit.

the world (not exams) is made up of a consistent pattern of maths and physics. all those famous physicists just spotted them before we do. look hard and you will see a pattern in everything you do. basic principles work all the time. EVERYWHERE. they are that powerful. so stop being a slave of dead people.

and i also found one reason to go to class. to argue your case with someone more experienced (ie, professor) so that you don't have to try to convince yourself to use the equations blindly during exams. fuck man. i know what equation to use but i refuse to use it because it don't really make sense to me. now it still don't. but nonetheless, of course, i used the equation in the exams. i don't have 200k in my bank.

{F = ma} + {calculus} = answer to the world

studying is so boring that it's making me log on to blogger every now and then. what to do, i'm like 2hrs ahead of my schedule. hiaks.

i'm beginning to catch what the professor want for the physics module i'm taking. i totally stopped reading the lecture powerpoints (more affectionately known as notes). the textbooks are far more enriching, especially when i accidentally flip to relativity (not tested in a few hours time). gosh. i love learning but i hate studying for exams. anyway, back to what i want to say, i was reading the textbook without any reference to the lecture powerpoint and i'm able to sieve out what's necessary and what's not. bear in mind i don't go for the lecture. i think it's easy to know what is needed and what's not if you know the concepts and the requirements of the particular module.

i'm going to make sure life is always as busy and as enriching as this week.

meanwhile, it's a sinful treat to CSI now. i love them. i don' t know why i love the show so much but i simply love it. my good ol' companion at 3am everyday.

the end marks a new beginning.

as usual, i only get hyped up on my academics during exams. thankfully this time it's a payback for the stupidest mistakes anyone can ever make. and the holidays are damn short. so i guess i will be able to bring my momentum to next semester.

on the note about short holidays, my birthday is on a friday next year. i want to spend it on some beach resort. anyone care to go with me? treat you dinner there.

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations.
You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you.
Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans.
You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot.

Your strength: Your ability to gain respect

Your weakness: Caring too much what others think

Your power color: Orange-red

Your power symbol: Letter X

Your power month: October



got them off what does your birthday means

that pretty sum up what i need to describe myself. perhaps except for i don't know why my power colour is orange red when my favourite is white. maybe it's time to do some adaptation. anyway, october is really the power month for me this year. changed me alot.

all of us, at some point, will experience certain things to change us. it's part of the plan for us to choose our path ahead, isn't it?

the "madness" last month caused alot of changes in me. i used to spend alot. now i hardly spend. i remembered this when i missed the last bus just now. taking a cab back didn't really cross my mind. i was thinking if i should walk back to my hostel room, go to the student union room to study or think of other ways to get home. it's so unlike the "old" me. i loved (note the past tense) cabs. now i don't know why i loved them. maybe it's because of my procrastination and time wasting that cause me to love them.

i used to waste alot of time doing nothing. i used to be able to flip from channel 10 to 24 and back and fore and back...(you get the point). i could do that for one whole hour, without settling on a single show. now, if i have the free time, i love to read my physics textbook (not because exams are near) or i will just go do some training. i hardly waste anytime now. time is as precious as money to me now.

it's rather amazing how much i've changed in such a short time. and the irritating thing is that no one will believe me. sometimes, you need something more than your will to change you. when that something finally arrive and no one seems to believe it, it's rather disappointing. it's a reflection of what you USED TO BE. ugly.

project stronger me is really taking shape.

Lance Armstrong has his "livestrong". Jamie Oliver has his "feed me better". i have my "project stronger me".

and i would love to spread it to everybody.

what do you have to make things better?

shit. i woke up one hour late and the plan today is to bring my baby home. it's god damn hot outside now. i'm going to ride till i puke again i guess.

you can't get anywhere with potential. you need passion.

i just don't want to talk about me.

i'm damn stressed now because i haven't started studying on the module which is going to mark the opening ceremony of my term exams. i've, stupidly, thought that it is going to be the last paper. thank goodness mugging bore me out and make me take a look at my intranet. gosh.

i'm in campus mugging now. skipped the meeting(full of politics) in the morning because i couldn't hang on to the plan to mug through the night and then go for the meeting. gave up at 5am so naturally i can't hear the phone till 11am. home isn't conducive to mug because i love my bed and my cable tv, the only comforting is i hate my desktop now.

after a semester of i-don't-know-what-i-have-been-doing, i realised why so. i finally fulfilled my fantasy of living alone. yesh. i no longer have that craving though i will still prefer to live alone. everything you do do not require a second thoughts for others. i can tidy up my stuff at 3am or i can play games at 4am. most importantly, i'm responsible for everything myself.

i'm just looking forward to next semester. like i-can't-remember-who said, when you want to start afresh, you need a clean break. you can't lug the shit behind you and try to start afresh. everything will be well next semester. i'm going to be better, smarter, fitter, slimer, more diligent, more loving. most importantly, i'm going to fucking work my way to the dean's list. it's actually quite easy i realised. tutorials are also damn easy to do, contary to what i thought to make me give up doing them.

it's going to be good. the sun will shine.

stupid rain has been spoiling my plans to ride. for a good whole damn week. anyway, i don't have a indoor trainer (i'm seriously considering that now!), i have nothing to do but to look at porn. here are some:

in order of liking, from the most favourite.
(words are talking about the picture above the words itself)




shit man. that day i was just comtemplating of designing some fork which look like that. damn it, someone was ahead of me. yes, i do use my engineering knowledge for my hobby ok. now i have another design in mind. gonna do some research first, make sure no one thought of that already.


this look kind of dull. but i still like it anyway. this top tube is sloping down. not agressive enough. but i still love it anyway. haha. love is blind and love is accepting all the faults.



the shit lance armstrong rode up the mountains in tour de france. check out the paintjob. so cool!!!


i like this colour and the fork.

lastly, the closest i can get.



yes. i love this helmet. look at how sharp it is. and the "Swept back" effect at the back. cost about SGD$240. not your ordinary "ah boy helmet".



also, my good ol road shoes is coming to an end soon. this replacement will be good. TR-02. my friend is getting it. i shall ask him about it real soon. this is a triathlon shoes. note that the straps open from the inside to the outside. very unusual ride. dumb me didn't realised that until my senior(the one who offered to let me test ride his carbon for one of the training rides) told me about that. it is to prevent inteference of the strap to the chain when u are trying to dismount.

all the pictures of bike may look boring. but remember, they are all carbon. so you can't see the real beauty until you go close up. which means, they are alot lighter than they look. for once, you thought Isaac Newton was wrong.

got to print this entry out man. will start motivating me to save. i'm going to start coming out with a list, a list of components to build my dream bike. dream bike project shall start on Christmas'06.

This is freaking funny. freaking true too!

i extend my break from mugging for one hour just because i'm laughing (literally) at this. at 5am. LOL.

damn shitty. i didn't even know that maths lecture for this semester has ended two weeks ago. omg. to think i was preparing to sit in the lecture for this week. shit man. and that's the problem of not always attending lectures alone. i think i'm such a "alone" person in NUS so much so that one day when i forget to attend my exams, no one will call me. THAT'S DAMN SAD! i must start looking for khakis liao. i will try to be nice to my neighbours next semester. afterall, he will be taking 2 modules with me. and the foreigner, the god of programming, i heard.

i swear i will attend all lectures next semester. i swear i will do all tutorials (ok. not every questions) next semester. geez! hmm...then again, for those lectures that are put on webcast, i guess i will sit in the comfort of my room to attend it. i love the pause button. it allowed me to copy alot of things.

talking about copying things in lecture, i wonder why all my classmates' notes are blank. yesh. a blank piece of paper, with the printed words only. don't they take notes? my notes after the webcast session is so messy and crumpled. and theirs are like clean and neat, as though they just washed and ironed it. maybe that's why they got the same score as me in a test i didn't even study. i think schools must stop distributing notes. it's not really a good way to learn. then again, to save time, i think printed notes are necessary. maybe it's just engineering. i never print any lectures powerpoints for my sociology classes (the ONLY lecture i've attended regularly, skipping 4 only). i enter the lecture with a blank piece of A4 paper. ya, it's tough because people around tend to look at you in a strange manner.

"weird. this fellow don't bring notes to lectures, he come here for what?"

when i start writing things on that blank piece of paper, they look at me again.

"what's he copying man?!?! the lecturer haven't say anything extra. oh my god, oh my god. am i missing out something?!"

once, my friend even asked me why am i writing things and drawing arrows around. LOL.

i leave the lecture with a whole page of scribbles. THAT is what i have learnt, not what i have listened.

ok. i know i'm a wuss. but wtf! I'M FUCKING HAPPY BECAUSE SHE REPLIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes. a few days ago i was having a gay chat with tl if i should control what i want or if i should leave it to destiny. strangely enough, i was given ALOT of signs to take control. and yes. i drop a msg. AND SHE REPLIED!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF!!!!!! oki. maybe of the people might not know. i lost contact with her for like a year. or issit two? yesh. FUCK SHIT I'M BELIEVING IN SIGNS NOW!!!

FUCKING HAPPY! nothing beat this kind of happiness. i'm not going to screw myself up this time!

i'm pleased with myself this week. did alot (relative) of work, kept to my diet plan and my training plan. all is good now.

now i'm questioning the statement i made earlier about money bringing about everything. because, this week, i'm sticking to all my plans is partly due to the lack of money. clubbing wise, i wouldn't have gone during the holiday eve even if i had the money because exams are really close. food wise, i stop taking unnecessary meals, tidbits and i've totally cut the habit of supper. what goes down my oesophagus (i'm trying to recall what i've learnt in secondary school) is just plain water even though i'm awake till now, 9am! normally i would eat as an excuse to keep awake to 3am. this lack of money phase is teaching me some discipline. good. i knew this will do me good. or rather, when i decided to go on madness clubbing spree 3 weeks ago, i told myself, enjoy all you can, get broke, so you wouldn't have another excuse to play just before the exams. it works but it burnt a big hole in my wallet.

i begin to think about how i have changed since i start getting rich. i used to be like what i am right now. totally motivated for my triathlon dreams. totally staying away from vices. it's not like i will choose that way actually, just that the lack of wealth prevented me from doing them. so this whole issue about getting rich, enjoying life and then getting poor due to over-enjoyment is teaching me alot of things. thankfully i have this period of poverty. now i see other uses of money. for one healthy start, i want to shop more instead of club more. clubbing don't makes me look good. i rather spend the money to make myself look good. then i will enjoy more when i go party during big occasions. honestly, i'm very concious about my unhealthy image when i'm in the public lately. most importantly, i want to get my carbon frame.

i had discussion with one of my seniors just now, about politics at work. i was wondering why some people are so afraid of people talking about their work. are they afraid that people might steal their concepts? are they afraid that people will know they are slacking? are they afraid of people knowing that they have been breaking the rules? while on that, we realised that most people who want to hide after breaking rules is because they have no justification. or simply, they choose the easy way out. if u have justification, you wouldn't be a coward and hide. heh..i love breaking rules! with justification of course.

i also have been having "gayish" conversation on msn with males. GOSH! i mean not just close pals but normal male friends too!!! i have been talking about feelings, girls, future, dreams etc etc. anything girls can talk about on their pyjamas parties. to make matter worse, i just had a conversation, with my male fren, about facial products, fashion and grooming. OMG! WTF! i think i'm just in a phase of wanting to look good. that explain for the diet and the trainings as well. anyway, was discussing about $45 clinique facial cleanser and $5 biore facial cleanser. i think i will start by having masks. my eye bags are in worse shape. (literally too) . ros and marv, please keep the promise of teaching me such things.

i shan't be ashamed of such "gayish" grooming. to recall a conversation with K quite some time ago, chicks dig well-groomed man but sadly most of them are gays. so i shall put myself near the line separating gays and straights, on the straight side of course. anyway, recently, i learnt that chicks dig intelligent, well built sporty guys with dreams and a decent hobby. well, that might just explain for everything in the first paragraph. i shall be a normal guy. intelligent, nice, quiet and well built. maybe not well built for the time being. decent built will be more realistic.

i still think money will bring about everything, btw.

i love the air from 0630 to 103o. my mind work the best at this period, be it that i have not slept for 12 hours. if only all my exams were at this time.

anyway, some little background information before i start talking about my life and plans this week. if our calories intake exceed our metabolism, we gain weight. so to lose weight, we have to ensure that our metabolism exceed the calories intake. this can be done by either reducing calories intake or increase the metabolism. also, some simple sports facts. for endurance athletes, they normally build more blood capillaries into their muscles before teaching the heart to make use of the lactic acid drawn from the tired muscles.

okay. this week i'm on an extreme diet. since my plan is to catch up with academic work, i figured i will be sitting down more than i'm working out. hence, i decided to lower my calories intake. i'm consuming like 30% of what i normally consume. so now my body know that calories intake is less than metabolism, it will start to use body fats to provide me with energy. also, to prevent our body from getting used to the new caloric intake to metabolism ratio (which normally lower the metabolism first), what we should do is to have a calories spike every three days. that is to eat low for 2 days, then eat slightly more on the third day. this is to "bluff" your body that your calories intake to metabolism ratio is still that of the third day, and hence, burning more body fats on the 1st and 2nd day. however, since i'm on the extreme urge to bring my body weight down, instead of caloric spike, i increase the metabolism for the 1st and 2nd day. so far, yes, it does work!! with amazing results.

this week i just want to concentrade to rebuild capillaries back to my muscles. i supposed my base training has build enough, just that the lack of training recently might have killed some. (note: once built into the muscles, the capillaries normally will take about 2 weeks of complete absence of stimulation to die off). so technically, not eating much will not affect me since i'm not trying to enhance my muscles now.

btw, the urgency to bring my body weight down is to improve my timing. i mean all along if i have been running with a 74kg weight, simple logic tell you that i can run much faster if i run with a 68kg weight. gosh. 6kg is rather heavy.

21.1km in 2hrs! come on!

check out one of the questions for past year maths exams. geez! how i love my maths lecturer, Brett McInnes, though i haven't seen him in person since the 2nd week of school.

click to enlarge so that you can read.