some interesting lines i read today:

"impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. impossible is not a fact.it's an opinion. impossible is not a declaration. it's a dare. impossible is potential. impossible is temporary. impossible is nothing."
-adidas advertisement

i feel vain recently. next month is bonus month! yay~!~! gonna do some shopping to treat myself. maybe not some. but alot.
wishlist:

oakley spectacles (i have a $200 voucher. why not)
contact lenses (ya..i'm getting really vain)
a nice shirt
a polo shirt
a watch (just saw some really nice watch from casio which can be used for casual and sports. Tag Heuer Kirium is cool but i simply can't afford it.)

woah..that's really alot. no..i will try not to buy all those. gotta remember that i have been overspending recently. i would love a pair of leather shoes too. haha..ya..i'm really really vain.

you know, there's something really great about M. she's so straightforward that she will tell you your dirty mistake right smack in your face and she will really say 'fuck off' (exact words) if you really pissed her off. i've learn quite alot to be a better guy from her.

anyway, i've met some great girls. ladies, would you ever say "thanks for calling" at the end of a conversation or a sweet "thank you" if someone said he called just to say hi? have you been taking the effort of the male counterpart for granted? appreciative ladies turn me on! in fact, would you ladies still bother to look into the eyes and say "thank you" after the gentleman had sent you home for the tenth time or you only do it the first few times? would you even bother to wait for him to turn his back on you before you close the door or you are just in a hurry to shut the door and mind your business? pardon me but i'm just very particular about the very fine details in human behavior. you can tell me straight in the face about my mistakes too but watch your tone. it's a fine line between trying to help me or showing me that you are unhappy with me. you can always look for M for advice about that.

the 9pm show on channel 8 is simply about the lifestyles of hedonists. however, somehow somewhat, i love to watch it. it gives a totally realistic point of view about our society today. watch it. be real.

be desired. don't you wish?

i had a spectecular fall last night. details will be up shortly. i can only type with my right hand. my left wrist is a goner. i can't even touch my face with my left palm. chinese physician said its dislocation whereas doctors from National University Hospital said it's sprain. no matter what, it's a week before i can move it.

till then

this is a good day. i got back from work, did some work-outs, had a great shower, dinner, watched a movie on tv and still have time to type this at this hour. thank god i wasn't still at workplace at this hour.

yes. i finally understand how it feels to slog (work hard) away for the sake of the loved ones. previously, i simply couldn't understand why i should be working so hard for the sake of others and not myself.

sometimes, no matter how things seem so illogical, we still have to do it. we are human, not machines.

try entering macritchie reservoir nature reserve 11km running trail at 1915hrs with a light drizzle. best of all, try taking a deviation route. the next thing you know, you are simply racing against light to get out of the jungle.

maybe it's there's something more to do on a sunday than resting from clubbing trips. sailing, training, chilling out and even karting is on the choices. i have another 5 years to train to make it to compleye a olympic distance triathlon under 3 hrs.

watch sunrise today at waterfront. caught a glimpse of sunset again at the exact spot. set me thinking about alot of things.

i'm beginning to learn to love myself.

sorry, but i simply feel blog-gative today.

just thought of sailing. i want to go back and sail. i miss it. i promised. next month i will go and sail. thanks to some unknown factor, financial management wasn't good and it's only the seventh day of my financial month and i'm calculating everything i spent. i will sail next month. i will sail next month. i will sail next month. i will. i fucking swear.

plans for weekend if we are off.
sat : rest
sat night : chill out at new asia bar / havoc at lola with M.
sun morning : formula one sepang with pizza
sun (rest of day) : plan and sleep

i have lotsa things to plan. ALOT! and i need lotsa sleep. nightmares suck but i have been having them every night these few nights. i need caffeine every morning this week. i'm not going to be dependent on it.

i guess i better just go somewhere and chill out this weekend. need to talk with people before i loses all human touches to loud music. new asia bar seems cool. i need to talk more to people who can help me be a better person. even being a human being is about upgrading all the time. so, which version are you now?

am i somebody who can really just take in comments and reflect upon myself? or am i just one of those who tries all means to defend myself until silence or hostility takes over? so far, it all depends on how you put it to me, on what situations and on what grounds. is it from your own personal preferences and definition of friends? i can accept personal opinions if you prefix it with 'its my personal opinion.....'. it sounds so duh but how many of us do it? and without doing it, how many friends have we agitated?

i always agree with women. human want a listening ear, not solutions. we can look for experts for solutions but it's only friends who will lend us a listening ear. no, we do not want criticism either. all we want is to be heard. neither do we want to know what happen from your point of view. that can be discussed later but let me say my bit first. i can be a listening ear but sadly, i don't know how i can make somebody talk. just staying beside the friend quietly may lead to him/her thinking that you are busy with your thoughts or you can't be bothered or even you wish he/she is just as quiet. but that's the way i am! i know it's bad. i'm going to learn how to be a normal human.

i have lost touch with people. i have been refraining my thoughts to just this damn blog and my own brain. is there a limit to a person's memory? mine is still working very well and if that's the case, it's kind of encouraging to continue keep problems to myself. maybe i need a psychiatrist to bring me back to the world again. then again, i told myself, if i can't even trust people around me, would i confide in a psychiatrist? then again, i always have a bad habit of entrusting my secrets to a stranger. hai. i'm messed up.

it's thursday in a few hours time. she said she will be back. will her schedule allow her to do so?

i shall start carrying my little notebook around again. i want to be ever-improving.

why do relationships need maintenance? how to maintain? set a quota of certain number of hours a week which we must spend together?? thought about it on my way home..... not in particular with reference to boo... but with my girlfriends as well.... will the friendship die off if lack of maintenance??? will people drift apart?? which reminds me that i am yet to get my big bro KH out for dinner.... better add that to the list of MUST DOs in my weekly time scheduling....

maybe love is just like eating..... starve yourself for 3 days.... you'll appreciate your first meal after those 3 days and savour every last bit of it... but after the meals become more and more regular.... eating becomes just eating.... you won't miss it until you feel hungry....you start being fussy about what you're eating....

just like after being single for 2 or 3 years... suddenly the first spark of chemistry gets you all hot and excited... you feel the urge of wanting a relationship.... but then after a while... the other person becomes part of your life.... no more chemistry... quarrels and stuff starts coming in....

or is chemistry suppose to last throughout?? is the heart supposed to skip a beat everytime we see our partners? even 20 years down the road??

oh well.... i like my relationships like eating... we need food to survive... but when we're working.. we don't think about food.... until we are hungry.... we can put off eating... but we cannot not eat... for work.. we can postpone our dinner to 11pm... but at the end of the day... we still must eat... and after starving till 11pm... we appreciate the dinner we're enjoying at the end of the day... good analogy??

quoted from michelle

now i know the difference between the boss and the manager. the manager simply tries all means to avoid unnecessary troubles he can bring to himself whereas the boss is the one saying "don't worry, i will take care of it.". lesson learnt : always go straight to the boss if you are unsatisfied.

i think i seriously need some new spices in my life. i just need some changes, changes to my physical environment especially. i work best when there's a change in something in my life at the period of time when i feel bored most of the time. i need some injects. maybe i need some changes in my thinking, my attitude(which i'm really trying to change this time) and my emotional stability. haha. sounds like i'm nuts hur...seeing all the girlfriends commitment people surrounding me have, i'm feeling kind of lonely and jealous (honestly). ya, and after talking for a short while to my DYCO, i have a even higher crave for a companion. hmm..everything when i made comment about how i'm not going settle down, i will feel like settling down the next moment.

i've been having really weird deja vus, nightmares, memory lapse and even weird feeling the time is stopped.

time isn't a dimension for me no more.

fuck it! singnet doesn't send emails during weekends? or are their servers just slow on weekends?

1) i want love, not just a wife or girlfriend.
2) i'm not going to slog my life day in day out just to provide for the person sleeping beside me.
3) i don't want to come home facing somebody who just talks about her work.
4) i desire to be understood, not tolerated.
5) neither do i want to tolerate. i just want to love.
6) my thinking will remain until the day love changed it. or for the matter of fact, until the day reality force it.

i need to do some serious accounting.

and please, appreciate your everything and your everyday.

boy! i need some sleep........

let's see..
fri 0530 wakey
sat 0100 party!!!!
sat 0900 sleep
sat 1100 wakey
sat 2330 party!!!!
sun 1100 sleep
sun 1300 wakey.

how can i not be tired? but i just can't sleep.

and....yay~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!! i finally got throught M's email! can't wait to hear from her. better still, can't wait to see her again.

liquid - flexible but not compressible. reflects a person who is versatile but not compromised.

surprisingly, i really miss M. i thought this kind of thing will wear off in about a week but it lingers. and amazingly, i didn't even dare to fool around when a stranger just came up to me and said "hey hi, we've met. where's M? i thought she should be with you?" argh. this is what they call 'don't fuck around in your own backyard'. that guy, whoever he is, better don't sprout nonsense. should have given him some of my johnny walker to shut him up. and oh ya, i'm still having a headache, due to serious lack of sleep. i still have alcohol in my blood. i still have the UV stamp on my wrist. but i'm going back for more tonight. maybe i should just hope that M will be back next week as scheduled.

don't, don't you ever use negative words on others about things you personally do not prefer.

three man and one woman were stuck on a deserted island. one week later, the woman was so ashamed of what she has done, she killed herself. the following week, the three men was so ashamed of their actions they buried her. on the third week, the three men were disgusted by their doings, they dug her up.

LOL. i didn't think as dirty as my friends initially, so when i finally get the whole joke, i'm laughing my ass off.

Confucius say:

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy.
to park meat in girl.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

sometimes, it's not as if i'm not willing to work as a team. sometimes, i simply prefer working alone because apparently some teammates just refuse to work as a team. they just want to be in a team and push all the jobs to you. i'm beginning to be unable to tolerate people who don't put in effort in all their work. maybe it's just me but i thought that it will make the job easier if you put in effort even though a job isn't in your area of responsibilities. what's better than getting paid for just a hobby?

personally, i think handphone wallpapers advertisements on some magazines are getting way out of hand. those wallpapers are simply porn! wtf!

yawn

i'm jealous. i'm jealous of filthy rich people, specifically formula one drivers. they are paid to do things they love, paid disgustingly to enjoy speed and paid grossly to drive sporty cars around at home. argh! my second wildest ambition is to be just that. formula one driver! if that sounds too far fetched, i'm willing to settle for just world rally championship driver. or if these two are impossible, how about professional mountain bike rider? ha..i want to be wild!

i'm a workaholic! it has always been the case since those days in secondary school when i enjoy staying late in school just to complete stuff on cca. once i start it i can't stop it. i need a big disappointment or something like that to stop me but i don't really want any disappointment. one was enough a few months ago. it nearly changed my life.

my thoughts are sorted out. kind of fast hur? it's that fast if you keep me occupied with work. strangely, the more busy i am, the faster i sort out my thoughts. i enjoy sorting out my thoughts in between work periods but boss, i swear and i swear that it's not affecting my productivity. in fact, it boost my efficiency. it was a productive day today! i hope i'm not lying when i said i've sorted out my thoughts. enough of all this bullshit. happier things will come. then again, just for the record, days passes by very happily when you just think about the fact that you are busy working, she is busy working and one of these days you are just going to see each other and hug tightly. aw.....that is so wonderful.

i know you told me you wanted to watch this in theatre. and i will only watch it with you. be good.

i hate to have only one way contact. i hate to wait for your call when i simply misses you. i hate it when all i can do is to wait for you to establish contact back with me again. i want to let you know i miss you. i want to let you know how sweet you are in my dreams.
i miss you.

i'm addicted to sleep.

it's very recuperating to just stay at home over the weekend and worry about nothing. just watch tv, read, and sleep the weekend away. it's good but it's kind of boring. the amount of time i spent lying around doing nothing on my bed can be better used by going out and having fun. that's excluding clubbing though. i'm damn sick this week.

i crave chilling out. just sit down somewhere nice at a beach and just talk. i love to spend time talking.

i'm in a mess now. i need time-out again.

i'm pretty sad tonight. i have grown to (strongly) believe that there is no love in this world or at least i can't see any. glamour, wealth and status is all that is surrounding us each day. previously, i'm not such a person to pursue all these three but today, i want these three badly. i want to be rich. i want my sons to drive a sports car at the age of 20. i want them to be able to enjoy their youth. i want them to be desired. girls go for characters more than looks? just f-off. you think they will go for a nerdy looking person with good morals or will they go for a handsome richie-rich who drives a sports car? you think they would dare to tell their closest bitching friend that they have a bf full of morals? or would you think that they will boast about the number of property her bf has?

i have lotsa love but i've decided to keep them within me.

i have lost hope in most of the girls. right now, the only drive for me to get married is to get my oc-ship and a name to start a business outside. i don't know how i'm going to settle down in a relationship. i can't even settle down trying to woo a girl. i enjoy living a extremely flexible life. i do not want to be committed to time. look at my work. the schedule is so unpredictable but i'm enjoying every minute of it. i want the future to be a mystery. i want to react according to the situation. i don't know if i still have the same thinking when i grew older but for now, this is it. right now, i love every minute of my life. i work hard and i play hard. i don't get unnecessary headaches for myself. i can simply smile all day long. it's cool.

i have changed. really. the person deep down inside of me is slowly climbing out and i'm not even sure he has any morals. i'm not even sure if he's evil. day by day, he tried to overcome me with sins and tempt me with seductions. he's fun and he's wild. he live life to his fullest each day. he can't be bothered with things and people he don't like. he's straightforward and he will fuck you in the face. he's lonely though. nobody treat him seriously. nobody gives a shit about him (which he don't really bother). sometimes, it's just about him. i don't know if i know him.

stand back. keep your distance.

at first, i thought it was just for fun. but it wasn't fun anymore without you.

come back and let me hug you tight.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up late and think of you and I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and I wonder if you
Know I'm there (Am I there)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
Would you even care

I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you

I'll dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that
You came up to me and said
I love you
I love you too

I'll be dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world l'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

-'dreaming of you' selena

my comp is finally back after more than a month of being dead.

currently, i am :
1) busy working but happy
2) clubbing like crazy (enjoying instead of venting frustration)
3) growing up
4) rearranging and re-sorting out my life
5) enjoying singlehood (and got interested in a gal)
6) feeling disappointed with all local and young bitches

i want to :
1) be rich (i know i gotta do this myself, the legal way)
2) start planning a business or a backdoor for myself
3) be an executive officer
4) know more people
5) continue to enjoy clubbing (not as much for now she isn't around)
6) continue to be the envy of all attached guys

i have been wild, very wild.