finally, i've been getting regular sleeping patterns. sleeping at night and waking up early 8am to start working. this is good. i'm pretty proud of myself to beat the devil.

by looking around, i see that most undergrads aint mugging as hard. instead, they are looking for ways to learn more things and see more things. some are playing really hard. playing games in the study room through the night. strange observations. maybe these are the people who are really smart instead of those who commit their life to books. i really feel so sad for them. by looking around, i guess i aint the only one. there're so many people out there i see doing same things as me. i'm not special. i'm just usual. those muggers are the odd ones out.

sometimes, it's not too good that we are so smart to beat the system.

im hooked to working part time.

i don't really need the money but i just want to. i'm so sick of having money to drop onto my laps. spending hard earned money is better. it feels better. much better. it also help me to regain alot of things. alot of me that was lost in the dollar sign. the best of all, now i love waking up early in the morning and get myself busy till night time where i sleep.

good good.

i've been relooking at some of my friends. and i realised, not all friends are truly friends. and so, from now on, i will only be sincere to those who are sincere to me. that's quite not the usual me of taking revenge etc but i'm really sick of pple taking advantage of me all the time and just laugh it off in the name of friends.

i felt so good going out with some good ol friends and we never talk about school work, money, backstabbing and all the irritating things. it was a great day out. i will have more of that rather than to put on that superficial smile all the time.

so early sunday morning, i woke up and started reading things off the web.

and amazingly, as happy and as carefree i can ever be,

I HAD ALL THE SYMPTOMS OF A DEPRESSED MAN!

wat a start to a fuck sunday. and that sunday didn't go on well. couldn't take it by 10pm and asked my friends out for a drink (non-alcoholic). thank god it was helpful.

its so irritating that everytime when you are all ready to give your best, someone come along and pull you down, THEN ASK why you are such a slump. hai~

but it's all well now. the engine has started, rather well and fast. woohooo!

sometimes, we repeat our daily routines so often that we are oblivious to the surroundings.

was at the train station just now. annoucements were made AGAIN and AGAIN (basically nonstop) about how the train at platform A is out of service. when the train arrive at platform A, there're still about 20people who boarded the train even though the rest of the commuters are just standing outside waiting for the next train.

how easy to bomb singapore. talk about total defence. ha!

LIFE

"Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date, how many people
you've dated, orif you haven't been with anyone at all.

It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music
you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody
else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are.

It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.

It's not about representing your whole being on a piece of paper and
seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are
spread to. It's about who you've ignored with full control and
intention.

It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading
it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other
people's hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those choices are
what life's all about."

~Unknown

you know, some of us always like to say things like "aww..im just happy the way things are now." when they see some super duper achievements. i don't like it. i don't like it when anyone, ANYONE, do better than me. i was brought up this way, so excuse me.

sometimes, i wonder if i'm just dreaming.

K once looked at me and said "you must have tasted success to feel that way". yes! i've tasted success. i was way out of the league compared to people around me. if only that momentum could be carried forward. i'm going to re-create that. that kind of feeling. the feeling of everyone being unable to reach where you are.

with my bare hands, i shall!

how do we define success? success is a never ending story. you are never successful. when you have reach a certain level, there's another level for you. so on so forth. so, how can we be satisfied with what we have? alright, maybe those who said that lived in extreme comfort or extreme love.

i just want to be a super over-achiever again.

it is so heartwarming to know that your friends do not tempt you to go out when you have told them earlier that you will be very busy with schoolwork this week. it is so heartwarming to know that your friends understand that you are busy and need to get out for a while and called you down for supper. as much as they were in the area only, i appreciated the thought. nice friends i have.

fucking selfish people are all around.

i finally manage to get the solidworks software up and running. after trying to bypass all that dongle shit. out of goodwill, i told all those i know that i have the cd and would love to pass it to them. to my amazement, they already have it. ha. so much so for being a kind soul.

then it was last night. i hate it when the whole big group go clubbing, all they do is just stand there and watch. like a blardy pervert. whatever you ask them, they will reply "anything". and when you ask them if they want a drink, they say no. then after you bought yours, they keep taking from you. tmd. wats worse is, when you know some chicks, they keep sticking to you. after that, they keep saying things to make it look like its a crime to know the chicks. then they ask you if the chicks will be coming. WTF?! the worst is a stranger can come up to you and say "r they your friends? y are they behaving as though i've did something wrong? they are acting so weirdly"

life is really just about having a few loved ones around.