Monday, March 30, 2009

finally, after one whole month of working on the final year project full time and having to sleep only 3 - 4 hours per day for the last 5 days, it is over! all left with the presentation and slight edit to the report. the prof replied. didnt hint for any big changes. when i can feel that load off my shoulder, i feel the urgency that exams are coming in one month's time. last exams. kinda miss it. in the past, i always tell myself to start preparing for exams one month in advance (though the plan NEVER come true), this time round, that one month has just hit when i was still rushing through project deadlines. fruitful last semester indeed.

met up with a bunch of friends who graduated last year. all of them either have a new car or intending to buy one soon. all of them are carrying lotsa credit cards. leading high life indeed. i told myself never to fall into that trap. i sincerely want to save alot so that i can have a beautiful home that i call my own in the future. i want to save for the useful things. now the goal is clear, it's up to the discipline department now.

had a wonderful holiday. although it's only a short weekend getaway, i thoroughly enjoyed myself and i felt totally recharged. such is the wonder of a good rest after hard work. however, i'm still feeling the after effect of the buzz and the lack of sleep. i'm still feeling fatigued all the time. my eye bags n dark eye rings are still there. i even feel dizzy at times. im hoping its just th combination of the lack of sleep and the lack of training. have neglected my training for so long. gotta pick them up. last chance to enjoy the ability of having freedom to train in the day time.

seems like i'm going to miss school alot, and it is not the academic side i'm talking about.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

as i'm sitting down here, not moving at all, my legs are screaming with lactic acid threatening to leak out from the skin!

had gym on sunday night. had muscle ache all over the body except the thighs. hmmm...signs of the thigh getting stronger.

so come monday night, i decided to go for a 4km jog to keep the heart pumping, hopefully to reduce the ache. it was awfully painful. every single steps seem to vibrate every muscle that was aching! the pain go off after a while though. so the lungs felt good and i decided to push it to 7km. not bad. felt perfect the next morning less the aches on some other part of the body.

so tuesday night, after having a realllllllllllly bad day facing the brainless phd again, i was really craving for a good ol beer and just lie back the night away. the thought got away after i decided to sit down and start doing the group assignment which my team has been so supportive to me for me to concentrate on my fyp. things rolled. began to finish quite a couple of stuff.

decided to go for a quick 30-40km easy ride to pump the heart again. however, things turned really competitive. i can sense the alpha male in me.

shortly after i start, saw a guy on racer in front. decided to chase him for the hack of it. haha. easily done. the momentum carried on and soon i spotted 2 guys on mtb. they were really fast! managed to overtake them nonetheless and that's where things turn competitive. i said hi as i go by and they actually followed into my draft! so we began to go REALLY fast and swapping places at every single turn. it was really fun. that's when strategy really come. we made it friendly though. didn't shut the door out for each other. so after a couple of km, i chatted them up. 17years old boys. aww..how i miss those days in sec sch+jc where i always go cycling on my mtb. parted ways at fort road. by then, i thought, y not just do a lap at east coast. it felt really good though. only mistake is that i only brought one gel out thinking that it's a short ride. around 30km in, my stomach is growling like mad already.

and then, i saw a blinking light ahead of me. decided to chase him down for the hack of it. this bugger must be on a racer too. he's really fast. can't close the gap at all as i keep getting caught at the traffic lights. nonetheless, had a good 5km chase. and then, the tank turned empty. could hardly move the cranks.

a supposingly relaxing ride turned into a all out effort 50km ride.

all in all, wonderful ride. i definitely miss cycling. thankfully i found it back. wonders of positive feedback for me.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

the run 2 days back make me wonder about my leg power. i was sprinting up all the hills with not much change in the perceived exertion scale. my power is just getting higher! despite the consistency with weight. haha.

so today, i planned for a training ride to see how much power have i got now. the plan of doing the usual mandai (hill) loop was abandoned for fear of darkness and loneliness along those very quiet road surrounded by forest. tried a new loop. first 16km consist of 6 slopes. viaduct kinda slope. powered through them all. then went for a flat course towards downtown.

now, the interesting thing is i measured the downtown portion to be 40km in total. so halfway through, i was already counting my mileage and got rather amazed. at approx 40km, im still powering through. what's more amazing is that i saw the school shuttle bus still in operation. that shows that i'm well ahead of the 11pm deadline i set for myself.

and lo and behold, i've clocked 54km in 1hr 30mins! that's quite a feat, considering i did a 1hr 27min for 40km at last year's triathlon. so now my average speed is 36kmh! from the usual of 27kmh for as long as i had this bike. discipline and gym do pay off.

such a happy day today. prior to this new personal best, prof said that my fyp was EXCELLENT. hahahah! i wondered why. and he was very happy when i asked for extension of a week to do the series of tests he wanted me to. he said that he would just have less time to read my report but he's perfectly fine with that.

now, i just have to keep going!

:)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

a few random thoughts tonight.


i think i'm good at working in stressful environment yet i think i can't handle stress. why? everytime when things get stressful, deadlines to be done, first thing i would do is to escape reality. i may have a 10page assignment to be handed up in 12hours time, yet i just cant bring myself to do it. i would choose to watch tv or go sleep. until maybe around 6hrs to deadline, i start working on it. and it turn out damn well. then i start to wonder, if i can make it in 6hrs, why didnt i choose to do it before sleeping or watching tv? i don't want to get started on why this cycle only start 12hrs before deadline. haha. i cant figure out if it's laziness, complacency, inability to handle stress or optimal performance in stress.



how do you love? i'm sure each and everyone of us have our own way to express our love. lately, i've been reflecting on the way i love and it actually connect back to the way i was loved. my family was never good on talking and expression. results is all mum want to see. and it must be the best. we have never expressed our emotions at home. it was simple. and the reward? to get what i want. abeit after being sure that it's of practicality. so now, i still seldom express my emotions and at the same time, i would expect people to get done with their emotions before coming to me. i'm not really here to counsel you. i'm probably here to listen to the solutions you have in mind and give you some opinion on if it's sound. maybe forcing my way through. my idea of love is to bring people out for a good dinner, buy practical gift. at least i'm glad that i'm learning to open up my heart.

and that kind of love isn't exactly harmful. it has done me lots of good to be honest. for one, i'm very independent. there's almost nothing that i can't solve. result driven mind has also brought focus to me. practicality prevent me from splurging. and of course, this love has brought to be, subtlely, the freedom.

i was free to do what i want as long as the above mentioned checklist are all ticked. with that freedom, i was able to visit car racing venue when i was supposed to study history of singapore. i was able to flip magazine and know how the car work (almost inside out) when i'm supposed to encounter thermodynamic for the first time. i was able to play with water and come up with some sense of aeronautics when i'm supposed to be sitting for my PSLE.


and that, of course, has its repercussion. JC fluids was chicken. i gave advice to a final year student when i just entered university. i was able to dish out some (useful) coaching advice just after i saw a friend cycling along the road. and of course, to be able to be absent for about 80% of a class, not read the notes, and yet teach someone who has a 100% attendance (all that without reference to the notes or textbook).



so, i still love the way i was loved afterall.

now, pardon me while i go watch an episode before i get down to revising for my test, which is to happen in 9hours time (including the time i need to sleep).

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

suddenly, the emptiness in me is like a blackhole. it's never ending.

been binging on late night supper. not terribly hungry but just wanna eat. it's more in the mind. but yet i cant help. else i will just keep thinking about food the whole night and end up eating more.

i don't know what caused the change. maybe it's the stress. maybe it's the burn-out.

swimming, cycling and running are meant to be enjoyable. it such a pain this week. did a run on monday and the shin splint is back. and i still think it aint enough. so right now, i'm thinking of skipping the biathlon this weekend altogether just to find some enjoyment back in the things i enjoy.

on the other hand, schoolwork has been getting better. maybe it's like a balance. you gain some, you lose some.

i think i will just take a quick break from deadlines.

take a breather.