sometimes i really question the need for a lifetime companion. is it just a matter of a additional trouble in our local context? what's the damn wrong with women? just to qoute a conversation with a colleague who got married over the weekend:
"all the best for your wedding and good luck to your freedom"
"i still have my freedom, just that i have to inform someone else"
"you meant consult?"
i can't stand the picture going into my head these days that men movement are controlled by their female counterparts. isn't love made up of trust? in that case, is there still a need to question your partner's movement? or is it just a case of insecurity? maybe i've yet to experience something myself but i seriously doubt i want to give it a try. (then again, i guess i wouldn't mind G questioning my movement if she's not too much. WTF!)
is my loneliness these days due to the lack of somebody to talk to me about the minute details of life at the end of each day like i've said previously? what's wrong with that? maybe i can do without that. i go to work. enjoy a few good laughters over dinner. got home. read some magazines, flip some channels. that will solve the part about the minute details of life. what about my need to talk to G about my depression lately? maybe i can just sweat it out. after 5 days of consolidation of stress, loneliness and anger, i let it all out in loud music with whisky as my companion. i have fun. i fool around. i play pranks. i flirt. i get recharged and get ready for another cycle.
or will it be a better picture if i don't have to go through all these cycles? maybe it's a more beautiful picture if the root of the problem is solved. yea..the root of the problem like she always say.
in order to keep myself happy for the rest of the week and to prevent myself from exploding before the weekend arrives, i adopted this theme of "it's none of my business. fuck it" in my life. however, i just can't stick to it. i just can't sit there and let somebody else suffer. how the fuck did the rest of them do it? i ended up helping somebody again, and this time almost missing my lunch although my friend strongly discourage the help. i must learn to be hard-hearted. don't use the hard way to train my to be hard-hearted. i can be mean. i have be trained the hard way in other aspect and i can tell you, the results aren't beautiful. why am i such a busybody? eating disorder isn't my problem but i probe in so much so that i'm influence. some say it's for love. i say fuck it. i'm going to get out of it (and share with her how i got out of it? WTF!)
she can't get out of my head. i don't know why. there's another M in my life recently. and every single time before i flirt with M over the sms, i would send G a message first. everytime before i ask M out, G takes first priority. i got to admit M is really cute but G makes my heart melt.
should i just let it go and carry on with the cycle? i guess G is the first one and the only one (so far) {see, i'm still keeping my options open} i will pray for every time she cross my mind.
tell me, does persistence work? my patience ain't running out but like i said, don't train me the hard way.
