"they remain in the 'cannots' and the 'should nots' and the 'what ifs' of everyday life until one daythey wake up and realize that they've lived in that 'did not' world for 40years."

not going to be me.

April is out of ANTM. amazing i watch that hur? not for the babes, but perhaps for the kick of it and to admire beautiful things(not erotic). i love her so much. maybe it's because in every episode, she represent part of my personality which i will cease to brag. somehow i realise i'm always talking about my strength. it's about time i look at my weaknesses and openly talk about them.

on the topic of open talking, what's your take on summoning enough courage to tell the most important person to you that you have just done him/her wrong? and the courage to forgive someone closest to you who have done you the greatest wrong?

love is about forgiving and understanding.

it's months since i last went out on a sunday. what a wonderful, healthy and cheap weekend i had! i love myself man!

it's really good. i getting back to a normal lifestyle. now thinking back, it was actually quite disgusting to go clubbing every single weekend. yucks. poor liver. i've done wrong to you.

dec is coming. time to start studying analysis of current affairs and dig out some GP notes. thank god i was too lazy to clear them.

last night i spent quite a great deal of time thinking about my future. i wanted to work hard and rise fast, and in my current vocation, there are plenty of opportunities. however, last night it struck me that my strengths can allow me to work in another vocation. a great one. however, if i switch, i will have to start right at the bottom when people are already way above. it's a disadvantage. i'm still thinking...

stay great!

the following is going to sound absolutely crazy. ah. btw, i realised that British enjoy the words 'lovely' and 'absolutely'. i love them too. absolutely lovely words.

i'm worried and at the same time highly motivated. i've planned for some crazy training for myself. hopefully it does come true. however, i don't want to let my body sleeps away when i'm at bintan. so now, i'm wondering if i should bring my running attire along for some morning and evening run. it will be good motivation since the scenery there is so nice but my friends are probably going to be mad about it. nvm, i will discuss with them tmr.

i was reading jeanette's online diary. lovely. although her routine sounds so routine and probably boring, sometimes i wish i can do that. train and train..then just spend the rest of the time sleeping, hanging out with loved ones and watching DVDs at home. it sounds so perfect, simple yet fulfilling. hai. right now, my wish for my half-marathon is just a sub 2hours instead of the planned 1:45. maybe i will be able to do that. interestingly, although i've slacked for so long, my fitness never seems to fail. however, my body parts are. after slacking for so long, one simple run can caused the pain in my shin to be back. i hope this year i don't have to run with the tape around my shin anymore. i've already started planning for my training for the biathlon next march. then again, not very detailed planning can be done due to flexible working hours i have. now i began to dislike it. (elaborate later) last year i did a 1:34. so next year, with much training, i'm looking at a 1:20, which is still quite slow, comprising of a 30mins swim and 50mins run. i can do better with training! nvm. the goal will be reveiwed again as training progresses.

it feel so good to know what you want ahead!

my dearest flexible working hours. i used to love it so much! now, i began to hate it because i can't pen down my training program. i mean if i'm taking the afternoon shift, i can jolly well wake up and run early in the morning. sadly, the damn thing is that i must keep my concentration there. thus, i must make sure i have enough sleep. with the fact that i'm sharing the room with my brother, who is always sleeping late, wouldn't help much. nvm. i will figure a way out.

i'm someone who comes up with a solution, not problems.

now, for the motivation supper of the day:
"I've been thinking about passion. I wonder sometime why some of my teammates do triathlon - fame, fortune (riiiight, if there is even any), fun? If you ask me, I would say i do it out of passion. I may be dragging myself for training, feeling like I should take the day off, but then I remind myself how good I'll feel after it's all over, and I push myself. And I tell myself not to think about how tired I am - just push myself to the limit. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I break down. But when it works, you just feel... awesome. And the next time you do the same workout, you'll have full confidence that you can do it, and maybe even do it betta. :)"

mum was right. i probably should start looking for things to do. things which are more young adults orientated rather than leading those executives' lifestyles. and i did one today! haha. i went on a retail therapy! at really normal young adult places instead of botiques selling pants and shirts. at least i felt the money was going to the right places. the same amount which could have brought some wild (not even reaching the level of madness) party (i stress again = its singular), got me stuff which are more useful. yea. now i'm going to join people for weekly basketball sessions and even organise some mountain biking trips. life could have been so much better. forget the past. what's more important is to make best use of my new lifestyle.

and i should get a skill or two. i'm in a no-man land. other than what the organisation has trained me for 7 months, there seems to be nothing else i can do. maybe i should start learning some softwares. i thought about it over the weekend. i don't know what i can do. i must make myself useful.

oh. and most importantly, i don't feel anything for G anymore. i mean not nothing but the craving of seeing her, talking to her and even thinking about her is no longer there. maybe i got myself too busy to let thoughts run wild. maybe i have spread my weight over more, thinner pillars rather than one big pillar. maybe time washes off everything. i don't know. my life has just been about working and sleeping. maybe i got so stressed out recently that i have no more energy to think about her. or perhaps it's the promise to myself that i must not let her see the weak side of me anymore. she has built a very strong me. i must not let myself down. i mean, if someone just come to you only when he has a problem, one day, you will just be sick of it. maybe i should let her know that i'm capable(now you know why i need a skill). let her know that i care. let her know that i do not have that much problems with my personality. how else can i listen to you for so long? we lost touch for so long. i do miss those days when we can just pick up the phone and go on for hours. those are short but memorable. i want to see you soon. to tell you that my shell is harden now. to tell you all the positive changes that i've been making. and to tell you that i still care.

isn't it amazing that the clouds are the only thing separating us now? i wish. i hope. i dream. but this time round, i need to make dream come true.

is this really true?

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat !

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named "Ford."
Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln" made by "Ford."

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the "kicker":

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

and Lincoln was shot in a theatre and the assassin ran to a warehouse.

Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran to a theatre.

Creepy, huh?

check out the link on jeanette wang on the right. she's such an awesome triathlete. she's just my inspiration. cool~

isn't triathlon such a lovely sports? a combination of three events to test the limits of sportsman. sounds tough? how about a combination of three events for you to train for so that you will never get bored with one? it's simply lovely.

i hope some of our triathletes will come up with good results in this coming SEA games so as to boost the popularity of this sport. the results of local athletes in such events do make a difference in the participation. the media, for one, will start to have features on what's this sports all about, the interviews and the articles. all these will just increase its popularity. and of course, not forgetting how influential such inspirations are to our young generation. look at how table-tennis was such a popular sport when li jiawei almost won a Olympic Bronze. look at how bowling was, at that time, the favourite pasttime of teenagers when Remy Ong create such a sensation at the SEA games. all of us, young people, have this passion of sports inside us. it's the undue stress of academic that buries it. we need to rekindle this passion and media definitely has a really big role to play. look at the drama on TV about swimming now. to my personal observation, young secondary school girls are going to the pool more often, and by "eavesdropping"(i mean they talk really loud) them, they are just vying to be another 'flying fish'.

go Team Singapore.

relight the passion.

ha ha.

finally i have my mind and body set to stop unhealthy lifestyle.

since i'm already too late for the half marathon, i'm putting all efforts in for next year's biathlon and triathlon. i.m going back in. i rather focus on my 10km first. until the day when i have enough self-discipline, i will focus on 21km again. till then.

this is going to be the big change in my life.

why did i choose that path in the first place when i knew i didn't like it at all?

honestly, i don't know. right now, i will just take some time to consolidate myself, find some new meaning in me.

and, brotherhood rocks.

fuck man. i had enough of my young and dangerous life. i almost didn't live to type this thing now. fuck!

for the whole damn week, i didn't catch enough sleep. then, skip my dinner and work all the way till 9pm. then i got so stressed so i decided to go velvet for a drink. (don't ask me how i got in. just walk in. i love that door bitch though.)drank quite a bit based on my receipts, not my memory. haha. i took a cab home and the uncle overshot and refuse to u-turn back. so i paid (interestingly i managed to) and started walking home.

looking at the stars really give me stars. i can hardly walk. i told myself, if i have to sleep, i have to walk somewhere nearer to home. i really felt like fainting but i definitely can't faint. it's a fight between the body and the will. i tried to cross the road and halfway through, i collapse. with last bit of energy i had, i waved around. thankful a patrol car came by. the policemen asked if i'm ok and the next thing i know, i fainted. damn!
fortunately they brought me to rest and when i woke up, i gave them my home telephone number with the really last bit of energy i had. damn. it's really damned!

i dare not drink ever again. fuck hell no. too dangerous. i've decided to settle down as a man. no longer a boy who wanted mountainbiking as hobby, who wanted skydiving as a dream. life is precious.

but the worse is, after all this, i just wish that she was with me. then i wouldn't be so weak.