phew!

alot of my frens are like pressurising me to pop the question. i hesistated. not because she still haven't got my attention, not because i'm not ready to commit. it's because the time isn't right. with all the happy occasion on-going, i didn't want to win her heart by taking advantage of the happiness now. and to think abit further, i dun wan OUR occasions to be all packed in a single period of time. actually, im just not making sense. after next month, it will almost be exam time. hmmmm....headache. damn.

thankfully, we managed to start talking abt this issue just now. it started from me trying to hint her but she replied "i understand what you are thinking and all your concerns."

wow..im like..omg! hahaha..so..erm..able to read my mind, agree, and understanding! wow.

i really found a gem.
and i will treasure it.

FINALLY i can take a break. after 2 weeks of brainstorming and doing, her bday is finally over. i felt like..hmm..the emptiness u get after u finish a big holiday. haha. everything didnt really went well..from plan A, i adapted and changed until like plan F. gosh. sho many fumbles. ok. cut the long story short. here's the details. pics up later. too tired now.

i told her to pass me all her photos. i selected hardcopies and scanned them in. the selection took one whole night itself (u will understand when u see the pics) and the scanning took 6hrs. (tts coz my scanner keep hanging). so in my hand, with 100 scanned pics and 1GB of pics, i started working.

after 2nights, which is in total abt 12hrs, i made 3 A2 size collage of pictures of her. each with different meaning.

anyway, so on the day of celebration, i went early to give it to her and wanted her to open it with her mum and before everyone arrives. thank goodness the mum likes it. i felt so proud when everyone who arrives looked at the collage and wow-ed and laughed over it. sadly, that's all i had for the chalet itself. intended(still in progress due to time constraint) to make a scrapbook with wishes from family and friends but her dad gave me away after i discussed the details with the family.

so on the bday itself, i called JUST before midnight and hog on to the line so i will be the first to say the birthday wishes. haha. yup. then i went to meet her after she had dinner with her frens. i had to negotiated for this. haha. and the plan is for me to bring her out while her frens go back and get ready the room. eventually the plan failed coz all her frens are too tired.

anyway, i made her cover her eyes before she get into the car and presented to her with her favourite flower. then we went to sentosa. gave her the card which i wrote "some people have the natural ability to bring warmth and happiness to others. you are one of them. today, take a break. let me bring bring you the warmth and happiness. let me put a smile to your beautiful face". didnt manage to catch her reaction coz i was driving. she was laughing at how im so corny in the way i make her discover the card (which is pretending to ask her to keep the receipt for me) and then, suddenly, she went quiet.

we reached the beach. i got her to write down her bday wishes on a piece of paper and we put it into a bottle which i've prepared. she can't bear to throw off the bottle though. eventually, i helped her because she's afraid that she might let the bottle settled too near to the shore. don't really know any rationale or myths but i just wanted to do something meaningful rather than just stroll around.

wanted to hang out longer but i prepared another surprise back in her room. however, sadly, her frens are too tired and i received a message and learnt that it's been cancelled. and because i didn't have cups with me, i drove her back anyway and went up to her room to pop the champagne. invited her neighbours to come over for a drink. then i just hung out in her room for a while.

and when i was leaving,

i kissed her! on the cheeks that is.

it's been long since i felt love.

it's been REALLLLLLLLLLLY long since i have this feeling.

the feeling of wanting to take care of someone.
the feeling of knowing wat you want to say.
the feeling of knowing that you will know wat i want to say.
the feeling that i can turn to you when i'm down.
the smile on my face when i sms you.
the smile on my face when i see you.
the smile on my face when i look at your pictures.
the pride i get when i see you achieving something.
the joy i have bringing a smile to you.
the motivation i get when you encourage me.
the praise you gave me when i worked hard.
the responsibility i hold when you whine to me.
the 'orh' when i reprimand you for not taking care of yourself.
the ice-creams i owe you for not sticking to my resolution.
the ice-creams that you might owe me for you-know-what.
the fact that both of us lie just to sleep another 15 more minutes.
the fact that both of us took flu/cough mixture so that we can sleep.
the fact that we keep flu/cough mixture in case we need it for insomniac nights.
the fact that we have sleeping problems.
the fact that we tuck in our feet under the blanket at night.
the fact that we like to mention something totally random and out of the conversation.
the way we laugh ourselves silly in movies.
the way we both know that what we say is not going to change each other's mind.
the way we rather encourage rather than stop each other.
the way we smile/laugh at our laptop when we converse on msn.
the way we count sheep to try to sleep
the way we imitade each other's words.

most importantly, just the way you are.

somehow, the switch in my heart is switched on. suddenly i realised, i couldn't defend myself against my friend for the 'search of the 100marks woman'. i couldn't explain myself why i need not fall in love with you. i'm lost. in the sea of love. all i want to do is to see you smile, and to see you prosper. to see you live life to the fullest, and to see you improve although you are already perfect. you will be my one and only, the one and only i can adore and love. the one and only i will protect and dream of. the one and only whom no one can take away from me.


*honestly, i was quite amazed that i wrote the above. hahaha. i was just thinking and flipping thru photos while typing that. amazing.*