i have a lovely bike with a sweet frame.

i spotted a crack.

damn it.

yea. damn it. i love this frame so much. if i intend to get a new frame anywhere near this quality, i should probably be getting it in december with months of intense savings and stingy living. damn it. maybe i should just wield it. to spoilt the perfection of the original wielding is better than to die on the road with the seattube up my groin or spending god damn lot of money.

then again, next upgrade,

next month : pedals and helmet
soon : frame or fork
next year : groupset

i'm not changing the wheelset for good. it's perfect. Shimano R-535. never cease to let someone say, "nice wheels you have there. these are really great wheels!"

i'm loving it!

i think i'm ordinary. do i want to be ordinary?

looking at the achievements of people around me, i realised i haven't achieved anything at all. i'm already living for 2 centuries and i'm not even good at something? that's something really wrong. at least, some people are good in computer games, sports and even skills. i have none. i must find something which i like but what do i like? i'm still dreaming about my Ironman. hmmm..maybe i should gear myself towards it. it's going to takes time. meanwhile, i still have to live with the fact that i do not have any achievements. when somebody ask about me, i rather it goes

"oh. that mad man who completed Ironman"

rather than

"hmmmm............................................................................"

why this sudden thought? i don't know. i just took a look around and it's like everybody is good at something. i'm only good at spending money(oh well, at least it's my own money).

i just took a look around.

oh well. probably i need a coach. i slack all the time. i need someone to push me. oh..how motivated i am. haha. nonetheless, it's power output training in the afternoon. it's going to blow my lungs out! on this note, i've been good. i've been doing double session daily. it's good to live life like an athlete. just train and rest the whole day. at the end of the day, feel your body get stronger.

livestrong.

a few weeks back, i attended a course and through that, i got to know someone with moral courage. he chided a father who was blowing 2nd hand smoke into his toddler's face. moral courage, how much is it in all of us today?

last week when i went swimming, a mother, holding the hands of her kids came along and walked right in front of me. it was very obvious that there was a queue. i look at her. i told her, "hey auntie, wouldn't it be right if you join the queue as well? all of us have been queuing." yea. she looked away. damn it. i'm speechless. what kind of education is she giving to her children. will they grow up and think that as long as they have the courage to ignore others, they can do whatever they wish?

tuesday, i was late for work. i was waiting for a taxi in the rain for about 45 minutes. i saw this group of salesman. they are opposite. i was thinking, it's alright, as long as they don't cut into my queue. the moment i finish that, one of them pointed at me. the other waved him off and crossed the road, standing right in front of me. oh fuck. give me a break. you can't see me? so i thought, i can't just let him be. as i walked towards him, he was trying to avoid eye contact with me although he saw me.
"excuse me sir, (i'm only this polite in uniform.) i'm sorry but i guess you have seen me waiting for a taxi as well. will you mind queuing behind me?"
DAMN! guess what was his reply?
"oh really? too bad lor. we see who can get the cab first"
"aren't you just trying to be unreasonable here?"
"this kind of thing is a open market wah. you don't like can don't wait lor"

as so as i was telling my friend the above stories. the reaction was astonishing! for the mum with the kids, he told me, "aiya, just let the kids be la. take away a few minutes of your time will die meh?" and as of the taxi-snatcher, "what?! if i were you, i would give him a middle finger although i'm wearing a uniform and i will just shout at him!"

is this what we have become? to calculate everything in time and money? what about our morals? our principles? have we grown to think that education is just about the straight As in your examinations? have we misunderstood generousity with stupidity? have we misunderstood generousity with the acceptance of wrong doings?

are we still humans? or are we merely robots?

damn. i'm so careless that i lost a good 50 bucks to POSB/DBS. i was at the ATM withdrawing money, thinking about what to do next and alot of things. eventually, i walk away with my card, forgetting all about that blue Yusok bin Ishak. the worst is, i only realised it much later when i was about to pay for my lunch. hai~

anyway, i sounded so depressed last week. or rather, i was really depressed. however, now that i'm on long leave, i feel so good. the feeling of knowing that you don't have to go back work tmr is just splendid. don't be mistaken, i love my work. i love my ops room. i just hate the feeling of waking up early. i love the time i can spend with myself now. i've just beginning to love myself since the last 2 days. i was just questioning myself why didn't i do that the last time when i was still schooling, with all the long holidays. well, i guess it's just part of growing up. you need time to discover yourself and to love yourself. and eventually, you will spread your love. on that note, i might just pop by a church this sunday. got psycho-ed by my senior.

for a start, i've made a few ground rules for myself.
1) never touch the bed without a shower just before.
2) always ensure that the bed is tidy and the sheets are straight before leaving house. (yea..sometimes, i don't fold my blanket)
3) sleep early. if you have nothing to do and can't sleep, grab a book. i still have a few books to read.
4) get up before 9am everyday.
5) exercise.
6) avoid over-eating
7) get in touch with all your friends.

for a start, i went for some heat acclimatisation, doing some intervals at 1030am. not that i'm nuts but staying at temperature of about 18deg more than 8hours a day can do you harm. moreover, i always train at night, when the temperature is so low. time to get moving in the heat. it can get me tanned too. so why not?

i manage to rekindle the passion to train again. i feel so good running! (back just now, i was about to puke and faint!!)

did some grocery shopping at the neighbourhood shopping ground. now, i'm going for my lunch before heading for some sun-tanning. i love lying in the sun and reading. realised that when it was so noisy at home that i picked up a book and head to the pool. with the pool so crowded, i just laid there and get tanned. once the DVDs i've ordered arrive, i will have much more to do.

love yourself before you love others.

alright. help me.

im looking for 2 songs, from tv commercials.

1) olympus U-mini tv commercial

2) oub credit card ad - i think its swing something

please let me know if u know!

i still think i'm not ready to share.

i always thought that those things teachers taught us in school will never happen to me. to me, it will only happen to those who are ranked 30-40 / 40 in class. sadly, that how i was brought up. now it happened, i need solutions.

i was just watching "who's the boss" on hallmark. a qoute hit me pretty hard.

"if you are never going to let out the painful things in your heart, you will suffer."

perhaps, i should start letting them out? to who? how? what? now i'm just glad that i ain't pissed drunk. what has actually happened to me? perhaps i should declare myself an alcoholic. how i define that? someone who uses alcohol excessively and unnecessary, causing social problems.

i want to look for somebody to settle down. i need consolation now and then. i need to re-affirm that human's emotion ain't mutually exclusive bubble. i need love. any kind.

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mr johnny, mr jack, mr jim, mr remy, ms shiraz and mr jose, thanks for all the help this month. i'm sorry i got to start looking for a couch instead of that stool.

if you can't see it and you can't feel it, you can't do it.

goals, passion, action.

sometimes, we work so hard that we lost sight of the reason why we begin.

i just got back from my solo night cycling. frankly, this is the first time that i've actually taken my own sweet time to enjoy the breeze. previously, it's always pushing hard. it's always about working that lungs and quarts. maybe that's the reason why i felt so unmotivated for so long. i've lost sight of my love. i've been very lazy to get to the shop to buy my new pedals since i spoilt the old one 2 weeks back. and without the initial push from cycling, i'm just lazy to run and swim. or rather, i find it pointless to go to the pool if the sun aren't up. damn. lazy ass. gotta start working out. got lotsa chicks to go for in a month's time.

speaking of which, i'm looking forward to my next phase of life. maybe it is a step down phase. it's time to get young again. it's time to start saving up so that i can buy things instead of just signing without worries. i'm going to sign up for a few camps. union, sports and diving camp. gotta pick up diving and blading. golfing shall come after i graduate. it isn't healthy to start getting into older-generation activities too early. and of course, i miss lectures! i hate tutorials though. haha.

7days KL-Singapore cycling trip. anyone interested?
Pulau Ubin off-road. anyone?

that instant, i almost lost myself.

the thought of you make me pick myself up again.

that night, i dreamt of you talking sense into me.

it felt real.

now that i'm losing my faith,

will you be around?



until today, i'm still praying for you.

heh. girls are getting easier, i supposed. correct me if i'm wrong.

1st, girls love men with ambition. feed her with the plans you have for the next ten years. i meant t, e, n, ten, not one. give her as much details as you can. best if it's some complicated details whereby she understand a little, yet do not know what they are. girls are turned on by complicated and logical plans men have.

2nd, be generous. in every way you can. don't be mad if some guy if hitting up on your babe. be generous. the last thing she want is to have you black-faced standing at a corner. be cool. talk to the guy (or better, girl) who's hitting on her. make your presence felt yet be discreet. we are all out to make friends. do not be possesive.

3rd, give her surprises, do not lie, as much as you do not want to be at certain places with her, let her know the truth, do not lie. then again, do not completely disappear. as much as you can, appear in front of her suddenly, letting her know that she's the reason that you are there. give her a kiss on the cheek and try as much to blend in. as much as they appear that they want you to be around, they want you to be comfortable.

4th, compensate. if you haven't seen her for quite a while, be it you are flirting or busy with work, compensate her. she want time, not sex. show her that how willing you are to spend the time with her. switch off your hp. look at her in the eyes.

last but not least, if the urge to flirt is great, be cool with it. do not be sneaky. if need be, talk to the coolest chick in front of her. let her know that you are just carrying a conversation. kiss her on the cheek and let her know that she's still the one. it just boost her status. however, warning, do not go anything beyond she might not be able to accept a filthy lips.

haha. that's all the experiences i've got to share. get wild. then again, of cause, i've kept the best to myself. the trialed and experimented. i must still have the upper hand. up next, let me teach you how to snatch a girl from the other guy's arms. example will be to make a lady smile sweetly when you say you want to woo her if she's not with the guy you just saw.

be great.

sorry to say that due to the lack of sponsorship which causes the delay in registration, i will not be going for the Osim Triathlon this year. it's fully booked! nonetheless, it's good news. that means more people are participating in this sport. i'm sure it's an upcoming sports. meanwhile, i would like to pick up golf.

nonetheless, i'm still training hard. i'm sure there are a few intra-varsity multisports available. anyway, i still have the ultimate goal for this year. 1hr 45min for Singapore Half marathon. i must make sure i break the mark this time so that i can start moving up for the full marathon. there're a few Individual Time Trial races left for the year too. still plenty of things to do. i just can't wait to start school so that i don't have to keep juggling (or rather, struggling) between work, illness and training. so, there're still opportunities for your name to appear on my bike or jerseys!

i was browing around the new friendster account some of my primary school friends have started. it's kind of interesting to see how everyone have all grown up. it seems like yesterday when we make a fool of ourselves. cheers~