very nice and enjoyable race. a damn good organisation even though we only pay $10. i paid $40 for singapore marathon. and i wonder how they manage not to lose money. for my $10, i've got a $3 entry to sentosa, a $2 powergel, a glass medal and 2 bottles of vitamin c. anyway all i'm going to say is i definitely coming back next year. meanwhile, i guess i will give this yr triathlon a miss to buck up on my swim first

yay~
now i'm a officially a biathlete. interestingly the first day i say to myself in the morning was "why am i waking up at such freakish hour to do something like this? why don't i just go back and sleep. it's the perfect weather for sleeping." after much talking, i manage to find enough reason to get me out of the bed. i have done it before. why not again. (this is going to be a insane reason in the future) in any case, for my half-marathon last year, i slept at 1am and woke up at 3am. which one is worse?

the swim is a chaotic one. i mean really chaotic. i thought i will be safe, away from the chaos by standing at the back of the pack. no! it was just as chaotic! everyone kicking around, elbowing around and punching around. i realised my frontcrawl stroke is in a mess in that kind of condition. with the waves and all these chaos. not to mention about the visibility of probably 5cm in the seawater. i have to settle for breaststroke as it's impossible for me to do frontcrawl. this is not especially helpful when you warm up all the muscles meant for front crawl. frankly, i almost gave up by the 700m mark. open water swimming (for the first time) is tough!

completed the 1.5km swim in 37mins. all within what i actually expected. took a 3 mins transition before i started my run. by the forth km marker, i realised my stomach is complaining about the gatorade i have been pouring in. damn. i was following this man and woman(w71) as my pacer until i have to slow down due to the pain. argh. by the 5km marker, i'm walking, trying to stretch and ease the pain before this veteran ran up, give me a pat on the shoulder. then another woman ran pass, saying, "come on, don't give up". now, that's what i really like about this family. and i'm proud to be in it. with those encouragement, i just continue to run with the pain. in fact, within the next km, i overtook them, on my way to trace my pacer back. i even went beyond them to hunt down another couple. sometimes i really think i'm simply born for multisports. i don't pant during my run and i think i ran at a reasonably good pace. sprint the last km with this girl whos feeling really competitive. had a real tough time keeping her behind me. 1hr 34mins! not bad for a first try. i was expecting myself to cross the line at at least 1hr 45min.

what's the big deal about passing out from basic military training? why is everyone so happy? i feel kind of sad because i have to leave a bunch of good buddies. over the course of ten weeks, we manage to form a bond so close that i must say that it's closer than that with my classmates in jc. we have suffered(not really) and have learnt to help each other along the way. not to forget those time we spent in the basha talking till way beyond lights out time. the times when we enjoy making fun of our instructors. the times when we crack the silliest jokes you can ever hear. i was told that when i go ocs, the bond i form with my buddy will not be close. not at all even only there're two of us in the bunk. everyone is so competitive there. i hate this kind of competition. why can't we step back and applause for our fellow mates when they do better than us? why?

now i wonder what's wrong with my stomach. not that i want to visit the doctor again. lol. quite alot of people are getting it in my platoon, including my instructor. must be something that we ate. and the new SARS. geez. i'm very afraid of it. i'm going to avoid crowded places like clubs. in any case, i swore to stop clubbing this time. it's sort of meaningless to me sometimes. because of all these alarms, i actually have to get my parents to approve my participation in the singapore biathlon tomorrow. i will be there provided that i'm feeling all well.

well, now i'm having some muscle soreness due to the 24km graduation route march. enjoyable march but i didn't think that it could tire my legs out before the biathlon. i wonder how will the biathlon goes. i'm definitely not standing right in front for the chaotic mass swim start. right now, i've got good and bad news. good news is that i will be starting in the first wave at 0700, which means even by the time i start my run, the temperature have not gone up yet. the bad news is that this wave is where all the competitive biathletes will be. oh. i will also be starting together with women's open. it's definitely embarrasing to finish the swim behind the girls. not that i'm sexist but biology simply states that men have more muscles to engage? lol. anyway i doubt i will be bothered by that. i train much less than them (supposingly).

when did blogger started this nonsensical thing about giving you error when your blog is too long. the following paragraph is supposed to be the last of the previous blog. it's pretty nonsensical too. lol.

anyway, i finally see my own family doctor after enduring the pain in the stomach for 2 weeks. the medicine the medical officer gave is totally useless. three of us have the same medicine, and none of us felt the effect. btw, the way my doctor dressed today is amazing. i'm stuck for words when i enter. geez. i can practically see her whole cleavage and even the bra! wtf! i better stop thinking about this before i gets any hornier. lol.

i was almost disqualified for the biathlon. i went for the swim trials late and they told me 'no chance'. 'no chance?', i asked and they decided to give me a quick trials based on my timing for 600m instead of the 1500m. i made it but it was a freaking mind-disturbing pace. maybe because i don't have my warm-up, maybe it's due to the standard obstacle course(soc) mad rush i had earlier in the morning.

wonderful week i had. i ran my 2.4km in 10:07. all that was motivating me was to beat yao's 10:18 timing. haha. and for my soc, i clock 8:48 and all i had in mind was not to see my section mate in front of me. yea. i did that. it's pleasant to know that my mental endurance has improved so much. however, after my swim trials, i begin to question my quest to become an ironman, or even the sports triathlon. everyone around me seems to be like saying that i'm crazy or nothing better to do. why? they go saying that even the 2.4km is a chore to them. not to mention this endurance distance. hmm..sometimes i wish i had a sports psychologist or a super fan of mine. then again, after much thoughts and reading, i managed to convinced myself why i should go on chasing the finisher medal of an ironman event.

recently i enjoy just sitting in a vehicle and watching everything else moving by. it's kind of a time for reflection and it's kind of putting all the pasts behind you, preparing to move on further. and also, i felt that i'm more mature ever since i'm enlisted. first of all, i never used to care about others. now i do. i never used to think about sparing some time off for my family, now i do. i never thought of the consequences of any mishaps i encounter, now i do. i was never afraid when war started in other places, now i really do. it's frightening to know that war has started elsewhere, and you are not with your loved ones. the sense of fear is always there. the silent prayer for my loved ones is always in my heart.

"the man in front of me is there to be overtaken"
-dennis lim (nike advertisement)


sometimes it's not that i don't wish to update this blog. it's always full of troubles.

effort pays. though i say this, i can't deny that i'm sad for the grades i get for A level. it's partly disappointment and partly because everyone around me do so well. before my As i was still dreaming of going overseas to study and lead a good life from then. now i have to worry about my employment a few years later. a military career is into high consideration now.

then again, feeling depressed for the whole week isn't really a bad thing. i sort of learnt that we are not obliged to give consolation to people who admit that they are down. not only that, i also manage to push myself to my maximum for my standard obstacle course today and i tell you, i beat 7 guys who started 1minute before me. for that, my mood change for the better. oh. another thing that make me happier is that i accidentally realised that i can have a mean to find out how's miss grace is doing.(please, i'm not a stalker. i just want to find out how is she doing)

oh well, i told myself one dream is lost doesn't mean i have to give up others. i wanted to sign up for the 'singapore biathlon 2003' after inspiring words from the ex-victorian i met in 'singapore marathon 2002'. the sad thing now is that apparently i need to go for a swim trial test before i can apply. i wonder what's the organiser thinking. the closing date for application is in a few days time but the last swim trial is weeks ago. however, i'm still going to try my luck tomorrow. after this biathlon with 1.5km open water swim followed by a 10km run, i will be so much closer to a olympic distance triathlon.

physical challenges this year(not including those experiences in the army) : biathlon, terry fox run, army half marathon, full marathon, olympic distance triathlon. all this will be tentative because i will have to see if i have the time for them.

"life is more about who can get up after failures"

"there's no fairness in the world. we are born differently. however, the person with power can try to bring about as much fairness but not to a ridiculous extent."

interesting fact : "twice as many man die from suicide than woman but four times as many woman than man attempted suicide."

ok. i don't know what the following sounds to you but i still think of grace occasionally. maybe not occasionally. it just started this week. it's just a weird feeling when i suddenly have the image of her in my mind when we are just singing songs in the range. i've been seeing quite a few people around who look like her, or is it just illusions?this is not really helping. everytime i see people who look like her, i will be shocked for a few seconds before realising it's not her. why am i stuck to just a girl? maybe because i haven been exposed to the world out there. maybe she will be gone after i meet more people around.

one of my weakness thus shows itself. i can't let go of the past. alot of times i just can't forget about what happen. may it be mistakes, sorrows or unfortunate incidents. i've been trying hard. it's kind of hard when i don't really believe in engaging into something else just to forget. it's similar to cheating myself. this seem to be ironic when i say i like army because it helps me not to remember certain things. then again, we must take note that i didn't actually choose to go army just to forget my troubles. moreover, it's pretty obvious that even if i chose this route myself, it's not working.

open-mindedness has also become the good side about me, though i do offend people occasionally because of that. i also see being too 'tactful' as hypocritism. why should we hide? i guess it's better to offend someone then to hide the real opinion we have. we still need to be tactful, to a certain extent. (though sometimes i don't practise what i preach). it's interesting. friends told me i have high emotional qoutient and yet i can be so tactless. maybe it's a seperate thing. i can tell when you are not feeling good, but i do not hide.

i have a sudden urge to keep in touch with grace but it seems to be so ridiculous. then again, i would rather tell myself "ok, i've tried. it's useless" than "i should have tried it". any ideas?