it's inspirational.

"........just before we got wet, i noticed she was doing that thing that she does. that little thing she did as a 14 year old Olympic swimmer, as an 18 year old Olympic champion, and now. that thing where she automatically fixes her swim cap, moving it into the steamlined position. of course, the tiny percentile of streamlining achieved could hardly affect this swim-for-fun splash at Malibu. it's just a little thing we've watched swimmers worldwide do in their pre-race rituals. that thing which uses the body to focus the mind, eliminating any thing that can slow us down. .......in races, where thousandths of a second mark the difference between medals and foam, a hundred such habits can set any person on the right side of a thin line between success and failure.

a perfect swim cap, a perfect relationship, a perfect meal or perfectly shaved legs - successful triathletes who absorb the lessons of their sports learn how to streamline their lives and eliminate things that slow us down.

yet sometimes, we don't make decision fast enough. so here is the challenge. get rid of the things in your life that slow you down. it may sound harsh, but if it's a habit that's holding you back, break it. if it's a person, then, move on. it has been said that one of the greatest challenges we have in life is to do the things we know we need to do to live fulfilled and successful lives. we'll always find choppy water and intermittent large waves that will push us under the water and keep us from breathing for a bit, we have to be ready and our lives need to be streamlined. Olympians have had to eliminate most of the unnecessary limiting factors and layers of their lives. remember to treat your dreams with all the seriousness of an Olympic dream.

fix your swim cap."

-fix your swim cap, mitch thrower, 'triathlete' magazine


it's my favourite magazine. check out the link on the right. issues from old issues can be found. inspiring articles by mitch throwers are in 'starting lines'. also check out McCormack homepage and slowtwitch. join in the sport.

live a dream.

piak!

there it goes. one more innocent life. one more bloody(literally) mosquito is dead. i'm going to leave him there. right there on the table. his friends better see him lying there and learnt the lesson hard. stop disturbing me, damn it.

i have been disturbed by mosquito bites lately. i wonder where are they hiding. just that night, i woke up at 3am, switched on the lights, put on my glasses and sat by the bed and wait. no less than 2minutes, i killed one. another 1ominutes and the first got some company in heaven. no, probably hell. they should go to hell, sucker(hey!). hahahhaa. maybe it's the fact the my room is no longer airy due to the newly added computer desk and the tv with cable. now, our bed is double deck and i hate it. it's so dark and stuffy down there. i can no longer read my magazines on my bed. there's no where else to read it i mean. maybe that explain for the 2 weeks late for that book from the library. bro really enjoy hanging his clothes everywhere. typical guy. he started off by installing some hooks behind the door. guessed that's where the first mosquito hide. next, he started hanging them by the window grille, to air it. damn. i admit i do that too but i do that on a sunny day and when no one is in the room. most importantly, i only hang dry and clean tshirt which i have put on maybe just to go downstairs. now, he enjoy hanging his clothes on the bedpost. great. since he's on the upper deck, no worries. however, that's a potential mosquito breeding ground. anyway, in simple aerodynamics design, the way furniture is placed in our room, we are not going anywhere. even if there is wind, i probably can't feel it. then come the next best thing. since it's so stuff, we adore our fan. yes. thanks to the newly added computer desk, the fan have to shift. with the wire right across my desk!! fuck! what's the point of arranging my desk? now, i have pieces of food in the room. did i forget to mention that he love playing PS2 or watching matches till the time i wake up? yeah! you got it right. i will be disturbed from the point i TRY to sleep till the point i wake up. i'm not religiously against eating in the room but for christ sake, don't drop them! or rather, clean up! it's so fucking dirty. i can't stand it. and i'm not going to sleep in the living room like i used to because i can't sleep early and i will be disturbed by 0530H. argh!

that's quite a bit of bitching.

anyway, my leg was so much better this morning. almost a full range of movement. then again, after a day of walking around, it's swollen and red again. it's alright. i guess it will be ok by the weekend. it better do! i'm itching for a run and a ride. i have a need to feel some air in my lungs. i have a need to move my legs. i can feel that they are beginning to degenerate. i must pump some blood and latic acid in. hmm..nvm, maybe i will just go for a ride tmr night before the party. or rather, if i think i can't make it to the party, i will go for a ride. haha. i mean, i rode 20km back the day after i burnt myself right? or maybe that's cause of the inflammation.

size of the wound that is still red : 6.5 by 3.5 cm. it's much better compared to tues when it was around 11 by 6 cm.

anyway, if all goes well, this will be the plan
fri : ride 60km
sat: run 8km, sleep, ride to try out mandai, run intervals. sleep early.
sun: sleep. run 10km.

it helps to pen down the program. unfortunately i wouldn't be able to swim for quite some time which is really a big stumbling block. i need to swim. i need to. maybe i will just keep doing pull up. i wonder how long that piece of dried skin will take to drop off my leg.

anyway, there should be a zouk session tmr. hope i can make it. if you see me around coastal in the evening, you will see me in zouk. wouln't be drinking much though. it's time to keep the liver strong for the biathlon.

swim and run. in 1hr 20mins.

unbelievable.

the stupid burn i've got over the weekend was actually inflammed. my whole knee area was red last night and my knee was stuck at a 90deg angle this morning. i just hope it will heal real soon. i just begin picking up training pace and now such unfortunate thing happen to me. i was so tempted to ride today but i can hardly walk. damn.

exactly one month away from the biathlon now. and my swim is still not as efficient as i want it to be. same goes for running. seems like i have to skip the duathlon because of doubts to complete it.

train hard.

what a weekend! how often will you see me riding on the road on such fine sunday morning instead of sleeping and curing the hangover? it's definitely healthy. i thought i would have missed out the long ride on saturday and the long run on sunday. anyway, i still intend to do some 10km run and intervals later at night, IF the fucking pain in my legs are gone. guess i sprained my left ankle. can't walk properly and my right inner thigh got burnt by the fucking exhaust pipe of the bike. god damn it. it's so fucking hot even though it was left on idle for a while. one touch and tata...you have one more decals on the exhaust pipe. lol!

"wah..cb...tio burnt by ur exhaust"

"nb..sit my bike still tia(paste) sticker!"

oh yes. automatic gear car is sure hell easy to drive. a lazy man car. haha. oops. did i mention i failed my driving last month and the next one is in april?

anyway, i guess sometimes for guys, looks isn't really everything. saw this fellow at the driving range (i was just watching them play. i'm one of the anti-golfcourse people though i might learn them after my studies.). he wasn't handsome at all but he's suave. his gesture and speech make him such a handsome guy afterall. the tiniest action ,which can only be observed at the closest scruntiny, made him look so good. sometimes, details do enhance certain things. he was just wearing a soccer jersey and a pair of jeans but it' the shoes and the watch. well, that's the equal to the neckline of a lady in men's context. to make him complete, he has got this gorgeous woman with him. well, that's how i started looking in that direction as well. afterall, i'm also a man who's always on the constant lookout for plunging neckline.

it's a matter of reminder in our faces.

i just got back from a short ride, testing out my new pedals. it's really hard to get them in place initially. the moving off was so slow because i was just trying to get the cleats into the pedals. thankfully it took only a short while before my feet know exactly where to push to get the cleats in place. great. now i can move off as though i'm just on normal shoes and pedals. and the benefits of the pedals? plenty! first, my feet did not get out of place when i went over those bumps and my cycling efficiency definitely maintain at the most optimal. secondly, i get to use my hamstring to pull. cycling is supposed to be spinning the crank, not stepping anyway. now, i can push big gears! that's definitely something new.

i've decided to be really hardworking because i just read that fat work in a positive feedback manner. in layman terms, it means to say that when you get fat, and if you don't overcome it, you will simply get fatter. period. with this new found motivation, my diet has cut by 50%! haha! amazing! in fact, this has started a week ago. i no longer eat so much. probably i can't eat so much anymore. i'm glad i've lost that gigantic appetite and the random cravings for unhealthy food.

now i'm just so motivated to train. 1hr 20mins!

and btw, anyone interesting in a charity "ride for life" event in May? it's a 24hr 300km ride around Singapore to raise funds for two clinics for the aged. let me know please. it's time we return something back to the society. or rather, it's time for me to find a peace in my mind. i've sinned too much. upon application, you will be given a pledge card to raise a minimum of S$80. on the ride itself, sponsors will be donating $X for every KM every ride accomplished.

i know why i like 'amazing race' so much. watching and understanding how people behave aside, it's a chance to look at so many parts of the world. just caught an episode and now i have desires to visit the Hermitage Museum in St Petersburg, Russia and the Pyramids in Giza. they are stunning! even on tv! anyway, i've learn something from a senior in my camp and that is to visit museums when you go travelling. if not, why bother travelling when you are not interested in their culture? if you were there to shop, i'm sure online shopping will be a better and cheaper choice, isn't it?

another culture inbued in me is that every gathering must have wine or champagne and every party must have whisky and vodka. haha. that's why i'm going to bring some wine and champagne down tmr night. hope it will be a great one dudes! also, potluck lunch or dinner is one of my favourites now. it seems like it's not something we local young people are capable of. we rather go to resturaunts and have our meal. we rather go to pubs to have our gathering. what's the point of paying so much and having the public to disturb you when you can do it at home? and i hate going to pubs to have the gatherings. maybe that's why some still don't understand how i can go to pubs alone. these places are meant for you to shut up, get it? htf am i going to hear what my friends are saying when they are sitting just 2metres away from me but all i hear it the band playing? what's the point? it will probably bring on more misunderstandings and wrong judgement, wouldn't it?

anyway, i've fixed my new pedals on and gosh, i almost fell together with my bike because i cant get my shoes off in time! but it's very fun using SPDs. it definitely bring more speed into riding. anyway, first long ride in it this weekend!

yea. i've decided to be a slacker today and reported sick for the slightest amount of discomfort. i had a dream so real that it's haunting me and troubling me when i was having my breakfast. i knew i wouldn't be able to concentrade at work so why not just take a break? anyway, i worked pretty hard for the past 3 days. so hard that i actually enjoy it.

anybody want to go for malaysian grandprix?

i need a few months, or even years to clear that damn alcohol away from my body. time for some cleansing.

damn it. i got whacked in the balls. damn damn it. fucking painful. so much so that i couldn't stand up straight and i broke into sweats. ouch!

i need time to rearrange my thoughts too, as you can see.

anyway, i feel good that i'm going back to work again. after a week's break. amazing how i missed work. perhaps i just don't like it when i know that i'm still being paid when i'm partying around. this is a good break anyway. up next, beach resort break!

it's rather amazing how time passes by so quickly. just yesterday, i was thinking that i was actually dwelling about G for 4 good years. 4 bloody years! i'm not mad because i've not lost anything. in fact, i've learnt so much. i've grown so much. yes. i've grown but i thought i need to return to who i was. i was lost. i thought i've found myself and yet to realise that i'm lost again.

so, where do i go from here?

it's a friday night. there were plans for a jolly good time out there. no. i shouldn't be drinking alcohol for 3 nights in a row. especially so when i was nowhere near the influence of it after so many drinks. i'm afraid.

time to do some good to my body. have an early night, wake up early and have a good run! it's double training tmr. the body needs the rest. i shall stay at home, play some games and have a good night sleep. have i mentioned that having that picture of chris mccormack on my desk really help?

get the body moving!

yesterday, someone asked me what kind of girl am i looking for.
yesterday, i thought i've forgotten her.
yesterday, i realised i was foolish.
yesterday, i prayed for god to give me love.

today, i'm still in search for peace in my mind.

happy chinese new year. it's a cock year ahead! haha

i received so many "sms-es" (it's in inverted commas because i received short messages, not the short messages service) wishing me well and luck for my cock year ahead. has time changed? these messages have no meaning to me at all. i didn't even read some of them to be honest. where's the sincerity? or is this action merely following the trend? alright, one point for the effort in keeping in touch with friends but is this the only way? i mean, a "how are you?" once in a while might have been a better choice. today, i'm very impressed with one of my primary school classmates. every year, she will diligently write on cards and sent them to me. chinese new year, my birthday and christmas. i will never fail to receive them. the moment i see a letter for me during such seasons, without opening it, i know it's from her. keep up the good work! (although i'm someone who don't even send cards)

i've just got my pedals. vp-r61. it's not branded but it's only 20bucks for a brand new one. i mean, i got it 2nd hand but the owner have never used it before. it's a really good deal. when i get better and this fail me, i will get a better one, one from shimano that is. i realised everything on my bike is actually 2nd hand but they are really good deal. an advice i received was that to buy 2nd hand components in good conditions so that you don't have to waste money when you decide to upgrade, which is going to be very soon if you use (1st hand) lower quality products. anyway, these 2nd hand goods are really in such good condition that i snigger when i hand over the money. they helped me save ALOT. probably they have helped me started this new road cycling hobby. i'm getting a cateye cordless 2 cyclocomputer one fri. 2nd hand as well. i was so amazed when i realised a normal brand new one might have cost 30+bucks in shops.

now, i'm so tempted to buy oakleys and this limited edition Deuter Speed Lite 10 . just that day i was thinking that i need a haversack bag around. however, i saw really nice leather sling bags around in town yesterday. then again, the Deuter cost $80, which sounds like a really good deal. maybe i will just buy it. i can't possibly carry that outdoor sling bag everywhere all the time. it's outdated outdoor products. haha. nah, i still love it. it's still serving me very well. just that sometimes, i don't need such big bag for such few things. moreover, i don't want my left shoulder to be higher than my right! what's with me and spending money lately? soon i will be buying some shirt just to match some shoes. damn.

i was encouraged to join a group for real mountain biking actions in Bukit Timah trail. hmmm..might consider that after i go and get a full service on my old mtb. (this will be after i finish spending on the roadbike and servicing it) my old mtb need some pampering now. i almost got myself injured because the brakes aren't working as well anymore (and i didn't know about it!). i was also urged to join the new balance duathlon, just one week before biathlon. i'm sure i will be able to handle both. alright! i will give it a try man!

btw, navy biathlon is using championchip this time. i need a ankle strap.

i realised my body work in a positive feedback system. when i get lazy, i will not even go down for a workout for all the time i have. when i become a glutton, i just can't stop eating even though i know i must. when i start training, i will get some simple workout done at midnight(twice this week) and still find it insufficient. people calling me crazy is one of the reason why i decided to sleep at 2am instead of putting on the running shoes. well, at least now i know i'm in the positive 'positive feedback loop'. i will keep it going bearing in mind not to overdo it like i always do.

i'm serious this time. i just got the picture Chris McCormack running up in my desk and postcards of the biathlon around on my desk as well. this time, i make sure they are in a spot whereby my notes from camp will not be covering them. they are in priority now. if you are wondering who's this McCormack, he's my idol i tell ya! his resilience is something i must learn!

in the past, kids used to say "happy new year, pull your ear". i wonder if anyone will be saying "happy new year, pull the cock".

hey! where were you thinking?

i've noticed an interesting trends. people who come back from bangkok will normally come back with the following:
1) underwear
2) tshirts
3) 'remove before flight' super huge tag
4) a singlet with the 'redbull' thingy in Thai

maybe i should go there and take a look too. i still want to go Bintan or somewhere near. a beach resort i meant. anyone interested?

i'm sunburnt. spent the afternoon like a pussy. (i meant like a girl) went to the swimming pool without the intention to swim(because i'm already aching all over?) and yet still put in 4 easy laps.(chicken anyway). the swimming pool was so god damn crowded! so many guys! yet the water is calm. bleah~ those blardy gays! i did not sterotype ok. i saw one proudly presenting his red g-string in the showerroom and the other walking around in the showerroom in that white and wet boxers. wtf! well, anyway, it was like holidays to me. sit there, read magazine and listen to the radio and spent time just like that. then it was shopping. walked 3 blardy hours just to buy a pair of jeans?! this is so not like me. and i realised i'm quite a bastard shopper now. i no longer use the "i'm just looking around first" excuse anymore. now, i'm a "can u get this size for this, that size for that and let me try pleeease???? thank you so much but they don't look nice on me, so i'm not buying". in short, consumers' rights.

seems like everyone is looking real good in contacts. maybe i should try. then i can get that oakley from yao. yao, when's ur last order man? damn. but my eyes have been slightly swollen these few weeks and you guessed it! too damn dry.

i'm incoherent. and damn i'm infatuated with a woman i picked up in a club. she's much older than me.

is there such a word "irregardless"?

doing weekend duty in the brigade once a month seems more like a getaway than burden. i will buy newspaper and some magazines(i bought maxim this month and regretted. the contents are so damn lame. i mean, they are really lame. i wonder what makes me buy it in the first place. maybe it's the cover girl in lingerie.) in to read. standard time-table. reading till 10am before sleeping till noon. computer work after lunch .we always leave all our work till when we do weekend duty so that no one disturb or fight for the computer with us. btw, although my workplace is using Windows XP and flat LCD screen (doesn't sound like SAF?), there's always a shortage of computer. then, it's the best deal. taking a walk around camp and finally settle down at the hilltop for a splendid view of sunset. sunset might sound so common to you guys but let me emphasize that it's about watching the sun set down singapore. i meant singapore. i can see the whole island, i swear. too bad i'm a responsible officer. i decided not to bring my camera in despite the ease of bringing it in. anyway, i should not share the view up there with others. it's only a fortunate few who get to see it anyway.

sometimes, i wish i were just a normal rifleman. no responsibility no nothing. no concern about image and things like that. book in, draw arms and wreck havoc. no need to worry if the fire alarm sound off. no need to worry when there's a hole in the fence. carefree. then again, that's not me. i love responsibilities. they make me a man. i love making decision. i love to have control. i love it when everyone greet you with respect. you know you have it when they do things for you, not when you ask them to.

i did some gym training. it was fucking shiok(no, i didn't have an orgasm) to push myself to the limit. it's been so long. forcing the heart to pound and pushing all the blood to my face as i struggle to lift the weight one last time. unfortunately, after having so much fun, i decided to do one more set than i planned and great, i guess i pull some muscle in my elbow. i can hardly bend it now. damn. it goes to show how much i've slack. pulling the calf muscle on saturday and another one in the elbow the next day isn't really fun.

i feeeeeeel goooooood!

i just got back from the lovely 'orientation' ride. it's a big slap on my face. i need to start training seriously soon if i want to take part in the triathlon. i went for the coastal road (my hse down to ECP then to coastal road to Changi V to Tampines to Eunos to home). 2 hrs 30mins! damn. too bad i don't have a cyclocomputer yet. based on feelings, i'm definitely faster than i used to be. however, i began to have legs cramp at Changi V. damn it. it's fun. roadbike is definitely fun.

i will strongly urge those who are going to cycle very often to get a cycling shorts. a padded on that it. first, you will get to feel how woman feel every month (i'm serious. you will be walking with a pad in between your legs!). secondly, it's definitely more comfortable. thirdly, you save your balls. for once, my balls did feel numb after cycling such long distance. my butt didn't even hurt.

damn. i was almost knocked down by a car. damn that driver who prefer to look into his gf eyes and talk rather than to look at the on-coming traffic. damn. i guess that's the only one time he look into his gf eyes and it's the fucking wrong time. wtf! i hope you break up tmr. hahahaha. i'm mean.

well, it's a great saturday so far. i didn't what i love. probably going out to take a walk now.

love yourself.

alfie

a show that is totally not what it's shown in the trailer. it is not a show about how a man find himself entertained with wine and woman everyday. it is a show about how a man find himself lost and begin to pick himself up again. as expected, the show ended with a question, "what do i do from here?"

watch it. it's a pretty good show.

find someone you love, and love her as though everyday is the last.

just now, as i was queuing for my fried chicken wings just now, i saw this two young girls, dressed in very old and torn t-shirt, having their dinner. they had white rice with kangkong (it's boiled, not the fantastic sambal kangkong) and some pork (not pork chop neither). i asked myself, why must i eat such nice food when others are much satisfied with what they have? for a moment, i was very guilty. i began to fell very sad that there are young children around the world who can't even have a simple meal.

thankfully i manage to pull myself back.

what you have today is something you must appreciate. do not feel guilty or sink into depression when you see others in much worse conditions than you. the importance do not lie in what you see. all of us are happy in a very different way. appreciate what you have and make sure your offspring are enable to enjoy that as well.

my children, they will never be short of chicken wings to eat. they will be loved.

life is a joke.

minutes after i had the previous entry about me joining the SDU, i received a letter from SAFPSC. SAF personnel centre. apparently i will automatically be a member of SDU unless i choose to opt out. HAHAHAHHAHAHA! it's not so bad. i will get to meet more people and enjoy quite a fair deal of priviledges. so, i will not choose to opt out. lol. let's just see what i can get from them. wonder if it apply to all government organisation. wonder who will i be able to meet. nurses, teachers......damn. enough of the fantasisies. LOL! then again, i was seriously thinking that my partner may jolly well be a teacher. i don't know why i make this guess. it's just a gut feeling.

just watched manhunt on tv. pretty much the same as America's next top model but less the bitchings. apparently women can be pretty more competitive than guys sometimes. nonetheless, both are enjoyable shows with beautiful people. a show to give you some motivation to train. alright. it's 10km tmr and gym on thurs! then it will be long ride on fri! sat will decide later. i feel like clubbing. just kidding. i'm planning to do some night cycling, with yk or alone. yk, how? i probably get my look pedals tmr and yeah, i will be going for long long long rides really soon. really tempted to go for the Charity Ride and Blade to Desaru. i must begin to do some charity.

on this note, i thought i need a religion. listened to what being a Christian is all about. not for me. i'm somebody who rather believe that no matter what, i have to pay for my deeds. i believe in making up for what you did. however, i do not believe in life after death though i always talk to empty spaces. sometimes, i stare at the sky and blame god. blame whoever is up there listening. i don't know why i blame them but it just make me feel better. don't worry, i'm not about to blame everything. everytime i blame them, there's a voice to tell me that it's my doing and there's no one to blame. sometimes the voices will just tell me that it's nature. most often than not, i think i owe them more than what i can give. luck has always been on my side. i get everything i want. thank god(no pun intended) that i'm able to hear these voices within me, to tell me that i must appreciate for what i have, what i was given. through these, i learn to be a better being.

thank you for watching after me. i know you are always peering over my shoulders, telling me what's right and wrong. you are the reason why i'm still saint.

i'm downright bored. or rather, i'm fucking bored. there's nothing to do! there's nothing on tv to watch. there's no place to go without going alone and i'm just too tired for sports. note that i've beginning to use more vulgarities. i've decided that i shouldn't refrain myself from that. all the while, i was refraining myself from being explicit because i don't want to announce i have a 8.5inch dick and have the whole world staring at my crotch the next day. lol! ya, now i realised it's pretty rude to discuss about others' bodies. i shall stop commenting and judging the size of the breasts of the lady who just board the bus. (hey! this is just an example!)

today, my camp just announced the revised Off-In-Lieu system. damn it. it sucks. the government pay me to work this much and why should i work more just because the old system don't work? sometimes, people in my camp just can't think. if they can't police something, they will allow it. so damn stupid of them. it's like saying, oh, there are still so many thefts in this country despite the effort, in order not to make ourselves look ugly, let's legalise stealing. damn. i'm going to start a chain of email tmr. i don't care. i'm going to voice out! i must learn to be more vocal.

i'm still bored. i crave for some intimacy now. hugs and kisses are really sweet, aren't they? if only i can have that somebody to lie in my arms while we watch the tv programs now, i'm sure nothing will be boring. i'm sure if i can do something with that someone, even sewing might be interesting. when is it going to happen on me? i used to laugh at my friends when the first thing they asked their partners is "how's your day today?" isn't that so boring? right now, i just wish i have someone to ask and someone to ask me. i'm sick of being me and myself all the while. i might get ill from that.

before i forgot, i really got over G. now, even though i'm so god damn bored and lonely, she don't even come close to my mind.

argh. what a bitchy and boring blog this is. since it's already such a bitch, let me just add. i'm stil fat and lazy. lol. anyway, will someone let me know do i look like a playboy? the first thing girls always ask me is "are you sure you aren't attached?". i mean duh! if i'm attached do you think i will be flirting with you?! gosh! people asked me how come i didn't manage to get a gf even though i'm pretty fine-looking. i'm always stuck at this question. i don't know! i thought i was very decent looking. haha. or are they really looking for bad boys? in the first place, funny people will ask such thing. if i'm single, i'm single. why is there a reason for having no gf? unless i'm gay which i'm not. (i use 'it' deliberately).

maybe i should declare myself single and desperate. haha. enough of the bullshit of happily single. it's great but it's damn lonely i tell ya. life are so much enriched with a someone. when i have nothing to do, i will just go and wait for her to knock off and send her home. all for the sake of that peck. haha. i'm 21. i'm working with people in their late 20s. i'm attending weddings. i'm seeing people talking about getting married, buy a house, meeting their gf after work. i want that too. i don't want to go home straight after work and do nothing but this. THIS! talking to myself. having a word conversation with myself. damn it.

how do i get get myself signed up with the SDU? anyone? lol. hah. it's just a joke okay. i'm not that desperate yet. why do i want such company suddenly? because i realised hugs and kisses are sweet? because i rather sit outside a mrt station and wait for her to knock off than to do THIS?because i realise keeping everything to myself isn't going to make me grow up?

sometimes i hate my work. i hate to keep myself ready for tmr. it's as if i'm just about work and sleep. i want to go out and have a long ride now. i want to do something other than to sleep early or the loss of knowledge of my work.

damn. stop bitching. i'm feeling ok. no worries. in fact, i'm happy today. just bored.

i shall get myself to fall in love with something else.