last year, the bash's goodie bag is worth $100. this year, one single voucher cost $180. i have only 500 goodie bags but 1,000 vouchers. so technically, i can just place 2 pieces of paper inside and it's worth $360. come beat me.

i totally agree with xiaxue, Singapore most read blog owner. it's not about what you do, it's about who you know. people worked so hard to get a 250 paper bags sponsorship. i sent a few sms, ONE SINGLE email, i got a 1,000 (ONE THOUSAND) times $180 vouchers. effectively, that's $180,000 which is $0.18million. WHOA! hopefully tmr talk with big companies will work. i spent a day researching and typing the proposals.

come beat me.

i don't know what the FUCK is wrong with some people. they tell you right in your face, without blinking, that they didn't study (this is alright. not because it's right but because i'm used to it), they left the exam halls saying they don't know how to solve, ask you how to do, call you late at night, ask you pop by their room (can't you come over?) to teach them things, in the end, they score higher! WTF! if you genuinely don't know things, i will be more than willing to teach. but if you do know, and you motive is just to disrupt my revision, fuck off. PLEASE FUCK OFF!

i'm pissed with everyone today. firstly, not one but so many of people around me did the above. is our society transformed into some useless shit who cares only about results? where's the moral and ethics? where's the human to human trust? i might as well buy a computer than. i rather talk to dogs then, at least they wag their tails.

secondly, my committee (or rather, not mine but the committee i'm under) cannot make smart decision. everything is based on what looks good on the surface. company X charge you $6 per head and allow you to sell at $6. company y charge you $10 and allow you to sell at $15. so stupidly, they chose company y because "they allow us to sell at $15. if we use company x, sell at $12, how to make money?"WHAT THE FUCK?! fail your maths?! and they can't even agree on simple things. i think maybe my friends are right. i should just stand up and over throw the chairman. it's as simple as sending an email now. i just don't want to play politics. or rather, i'm playing soft politics now. gaining respect and support of the masses.

thirdly, my manager told me to meet her at 2pm. i rushed down and called her, only to hear "got meh? we are supposed to meet today? wat do you want to discuss about?" i was fuming mad. YOU are the one who told me to meet you to discuss some issue and now you are turning the table around? wtf! argh~!~!

lastly, politics! everyone start giving everyone a suspicious look when someone just asked something casually. i can't stand it man. i just "fuck you la, i didn't do what you think la. not that i'm guilty concious but will you just stop looking at me like that?".

young generation these days. fucked up. like what my seniors say, "only care about self interest. no more team spirit, no more team work. even the brotherhood is lost."

FUCK YOU, YOU BITCHES!

i'm nerd.

spent another 4 hours in library today MUGGING. library is no longer a place with air-con to sleep, to catch up with friends and to fool around (i missed those activities in library though). it is now a place to mug!!! and the best is i like that place so much. a secret corner in a secret library in a corner of NUS. the canteen is not crowded and you can actually talk and laugh loud without feeling embarassed.

if you are just sitting down, waiting for an examination to start and the question paper is on the table in such that you can read the questions in clear, if the invigilator have not say "you may start now", will you look at the questions? and when the invigilator say "stop writing" and you know you have this VERY LAST sentence to write, or just that one more point you want to write, will you continue writing? what's the purpose of restricting your examination period then? is it meant to be an estimate? or is it meant to test your ability within that time frame? if you say yes to the questions above, will it be consider cheating? technically you are. will your concious be easy on you? bleah.

i miss my family. i just wish we are closer. hai~ if mum needs to go to the market this weekend, i will love to go with her. really miss those times i go to market with her, have breakfast together and such. i miss those times dad bring me jogging around the neighbourhood and then teach me a few lessons on hardware, including tyre-changing for our neighbour's car.

if only the world don't move so fast, i will have time to reminise.

in china, luck means "wishes" and "best efforts". in america, luck simply means "fortune" or anything related to gambling and such. so now you know how an american react when a chinese say "good luck for your test".

my knees hurt. i want to run.

high

a few things. first thing first, i'm addicted to mugging. tough tests really motivate me to study damn hard. can you imagine my lesson is at 1300H and i woke up at 0730H to do tutorials? how nerd. as much as people see, i'm happy with myself. i think i found a inner force within me. i found the strength to do alot of things.

secondly, i'm SHAGGED now. as mentioned, i woke up at 0730H, after finishing the work and some reading, since i have nothing to do, i decided to kick in some training.

20 pushups
20 normal situps
20 left oblique situps
20 right oblique situps.

that times 3.

not that bad. but i just finished running an estimate of 14km! ran to pandan reservoir and back. totally aerobic because my purpose is to pace JY. damn shiok! aerobic all the way~ rewarded myself with a can of coke and powergel. note that i use the word rewarded because i totally cut my calories by half today! shiok!

just checked my maths test result. not bad man! 50%. first time in my life i get such a low score and i feel so happy. actually i only got 25%. the other 25% is pure luck. i don't know how to do them so i just put the answer as A (multiple choice). how shiok!!! i think i owed my dearest lady luck alot of favours. i'm going to mug damn hard from now onwards to return her the favour.

"nicole. says:
maybe lady luck is actually a cross-dressing gay man

nicole. says:
who has a crush on u"

whatever. i know i owe her alot.

to my ladyluck and my dearest guardian angels, i love you guys. you guys RAWKS!!!!!!!

welcome to my room (again) !!! i love autostitch. it's fun!



most of the stressful events are over. i felt relieved. now instead of chasing deadlines, i'm going to let everything else chase me.

i saw something.

a pair of couple, in their thirties i presume, is smiling, holding hands, walking to the busstop. how sweet, i thought. but i have not mentioned that the lady is pregnant, holding her own handbag and another briefcase. the man, walking with one hand holding her, the other hand in the pocket, look straight ahead, smiling though. i was thinking, how could he! how could he bear to see his wife (i presume) walk with so many loads? gosh! kind of a bastard he is. i remembered i told myself, when my wife is pregnant in future, i will send to and fro work everyday (if she's working). if i'm too broke to afford a car then (which will quite be unlikely before i decide to settle down with a family), i will eat bread everyday so that she can travel in the comfort of taxis, or even early booking of taxi. i think (i didn't want to say i know coz i really don't know) it's tought to be carry a child. anyway, it's a product of OUR love, not the burden of hers due to having sex with me.

i can't help but think i'm materialistic.

i saw groups of maids sitting outside golden mile, outside orchard mrt station. they seemed very happy, just enjoying time with friends. i can't do that. i can't just sit on a grass patch and enjoy time with my friends. i'm sure 99.99% of singaporeans can't. we must at least sit in somewhere decent. the least priority as just the void deck of some HDB flats. i don't know. i can enjoy time with friends in a coffee shop, no problem but i will PREFER a nice airconditioned cafe or somewhere nice. isn't the company more important? hmmm..i really begin to feel materialistic.

i believe in punishment.

i have a maths test tmr. now, i'm tired, i'm having a headache and i have an assignment due tmr. argh. i think i will just go to sleep. i rather have a good sleep rather than to mug through the night and feel groggy the following day. anyway, i believe that i should be punished for skipping maths lectures and not practising. i'm not going to mug throught the night and skip the lectures tmr, neither am i going to skip lectures tmr to mug. i've promised to be diligent. i will not do stupid things for the sake of a test. anyway, i truly deserved to be punished. it's a wake-up call. thank god that i'm a motivated young man now.

i'm going to eat bread for all 3 meals for 3 days just to understand toughness in life. also, to "detox" and try to reduce the amount of fats in me. i have been having bad stomach and digestion lately. most importantly, i'm sick of food, even at the sight of it. absence will make the heart (stomach) grow fonder (hungrier).

why do some people take advantage of others the moment they see an opportunity? what bastards!

i can't believe i'm hearing the below conversation from 2 undergraduates:

A : how? did you study?
B : nope. was busy playing games.
A : comeon la...i'm sure you mug like crazy lor!
B : no la..i really didn't. i think you are going to score damn well for this test, going to get A right?
A : no la, get A also not me, you then can la...i can't la..i damn lousy one..
B : oh please! you will do better than me
A : no la..you will do better

(and the conversation continued about how the other party studied real hard and how the other party can score much better than themselves.)

WHAT THE FUCK?!

i'm speechless. really. i was literally rolling my eyes when i heard it. how lame! bleah. i don't want to talk about it. i will just start rolling my eyes again. just note that some people are still chilidish-loserish-pathetic mugger.

Get A Life!

apologies for the description of my life instead of my thougts lately. i need to converse with "somebody" before i go nuts.

back from a training run which i thought i might skip. aerobic all the way. good! my stride improved, cadence improved, breathing improved and even my hand swing improved!! amazing! i'm so happy! thank god i go for this easy run with JY just to help him train. it help to loosen some muscles i pulled yesterday. most importantly, it get me going. i'm going for a tempo or hill intervals tmr!

i started today with the right foot. i woke up, 7 minutes before she will call to wake me up. i decided to lie a while so that the first thing i will do for the day will be to hear her voice. irritatingly, (or rather, thankfully) i cannot lie comfortably. decided to get up and do some stretching in preparation for the run at night. in the end, i just sent a message to let her know that i'm up, hoping to send across the message (no pun intended) that i don't want to be dependent on her for such little things.

diligently went to lecture to realise that all my friends decided to give it a miss because of the physics test in the evening!! WHAT THE FUCK!?! i hate such shit. just because there's a test, your life stop. everything else doesn't matter but just the test. gosh! get a life. with this, i got very pissed off with one of my lecture khaki today. i realise he's quite a loser. he have no activities in school. coming to campus is all about lectures and tutorials before going home to mug. in between lessons, although he's not discussing school work (thankfully), he's busy making sarcastic comments on any and every body he see. i feel like slapping him at times. at least others want something more out of their university life. all he want is grades! gosh! and he can't even answer some questions when i can?!! (i mean i gotta admit i'm more of a loser coz i totally don't do my work and i miss 50% of lectures). is this what and how we are taught? grades! that's it! there's no need for education, just literacy will do. ah fuck it. i shouldn't even bother with others. as long as i take away lessons, life lessons from my days here, i will be glad.

physics test was rather scary. not that the questions are tough but the fact that they are too easy! i mean everyone say they can't do when i can easily get an answer! even JY didn't understand certain concepts when i can get an answer? gosh! i really thank god for the light i was shown last night. i hope this light last. i hope all my understandings of concepts are correct. that's all that matter.

i need a role model. i remembered how i used to have a role model in primary and secondary school to motivate me. in primary school, my neighbour, a scholar, who is also a head prefect, not to mention his amiabilty, is certainly my role model. i grow up everyday thinking of going into the class he has been to, being taught by teachers who taught him and even the position of head prefect. eventually, i was close. i was satisfied nonetheless. in my secondary school, it's the same. i aspire to reach where my NPCC senior was. in secondary one, i was told to represent my class for speech day. i heard about the "distinguished service award". i tell myself, that's what i will take away from Victoria School. i did. i wanted to go to Victoria Junior College. i did. that's where the story stopped. no more role model in VJC. i was on myself. it was on pure motivation left from the past to spur me on.

in my air force stint, thankfully there're quite a few seniors to motivate me and to give me some target. i took away some lessons there. in NUS, i have a senior. however, his accomplishments are all in the students' union. that's one thing i want to achieve in my 4 years here.( maybe not. i want to go for overseas attachment.) as much as i want to follow in his footsteps, his Cumulative Average Points is way far from satisfaction. hai! sucks! maybe i should look up to the other senior, who's not so accomplish in the union but score a CAP of 4.5, handling a relationship and still can play games all day long! woo!

her tone last night turned dead suddenly. based on our tension now, i dare not ask. i just saw her blog. it's so saddening. something is happening inside her and she's keeping it to herself. i wish she will let me know, like what she used to. i promised i will listen just as a friend. maybe, when u gain some, u caused someone beside you to lose some. life is about balance. i gained alot of happiness and satisfaction today. hai! i rather my life be normal. now i rather i struggle for the training run just now.

cheer up! coz you never know how a bulb can cause darkness in a room.

and this is how i mug. papers, papers everywhere. btw, i'm studying from the laptop, not porn or msn. ok, well, maybe for this entry. basket. this look like a cockpit siah! haha.

bandit six o'clock! break left break left!!!!

welcome to my hostel!

that's a peek outta my desk. sadly, no hanky panky business to watch around this shed. only full of PRC students who love to scream and shout either early in the morning, or late at night

from another window. no, i don't peep through the blinds like tt to see people change.

my pathetic closet. don't worry. i still change my underwear everyday. and half my clothes is still in the dryer at this moment




mug, play, train, rest. all in one room. 9 square metres.

ok. if i divide the general society into 3 distinct groups, i realised that family wealth plays a role in education.

First. the wealthy and influential. they respect education and would love their children to get a good education. they know they get to where they are through a good a education and realise that being a literate person will enable wealth, which will generally equal to comfort.

next, the middle class. they can see slightly further. they have endured much pain in their life. they struggle hard to bring their children through school. some made it but some gave up halfway. for those who made it, their children proceed on to the next step of becoming rich. for those who gave up, due to financial reasons or poor family education which results in the children not appreciating education.

lastly, the low income family. they are shortsighted. they don't see the point in "wasting" money to send children to school. they see that for one more year you study, it's a waste of money. they still believe that hard work equals to money, as much as they have suffered.

sorry that i didn't seriously think about this before i pen this. it's just a thought while chatting to a taxi driver just now. it's really very saddening how he keep complaining that his son is wasting his money in university.

next, i'm trying to convince myself that "today's culture is diminishing culture". look around us. how do you define our culture now? one of my classmate say that it isn't diminishing culture. it's just merging into one - globalisation.

argh. i'm tired. i need to go sleep. typing a marketing proposal isn't easy when you don't know the goals of your committee.

bada bababa!

saw a tan line of my cycling jersey on my arms. i'm proud. i'm always proud of such tan lines and shades tan line. they show that i have been working hard.

and yes, i have been working hard. leisure spinning of 70km cool ride. i'm glad everyone loves it. it's a sense of achievement!

i'm mad. my legs are damn tired now. i haven't had a good sleep for a week. and i think i wanna go run in another 2hrs' time! hahaha!

train smart.
cheers!

You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear...

Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you

-from michelle's blog.

anyway, spare with me. i know it's boring to write about my daily activities but i MUST talk about the solo training ride i just had.

i'm starting a training log book again. i figured that will make me train real hard. have been rather slack lately and i need some air in my lungs and some blood in my legs!!!!

set off at 1530H, weather: damn blardy hot with no clouds. distance : 49km, time : 1hr 49mins. avg speed on cyclocomp : 28kmh. average cruising speed : 35kmh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, the ride started off pretty well. good warmup. good spining. however, my muscles began to cramped up at the upslope for the PIE flyover along lornie road. after that, i was really struggling. UNTIL I hit Thomson road.

i was telling myself, i'm trapped here. it's the worst place to give up. i know the sun is shining hard on your back but try!! don't give up. don't let the mind took over.

then, miraculously, the reading on my speedo shot from 20kmh (YESH! I was THAT pathetic) to 37kmh (MAINTAINED!!!) then i thought, if willpower alone can contribute 17kmh, how much time can i save in a 40km time trial leg of the Olympic distance triathlon? so from thomson all the way up to mandai, i maintained a 37kmh pace!!!! good! but i began to feel the food coming up. weird. i ate like 3 hours ago!

along mandai, still good! maintained 30kmh up the slopes which i normally go at 19kmh. ALL DUE TO WILLPOWER! there and then, will has taken over control of my body. sadly, after past 1SIR, the food really came all the way to my throat. i have to swallow it. SHUGS. and my vision began to tunnel. so i stop for safety sake. i was so disappointed. never before have i felt so bad halfway through a 40km training ride. i was really sad. i thought, based on previous experience, my effort should bring me to 18km only! but when i check the cyclocomp, it read 31km!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was damn happy la!

the return journey is about the same. keep using the word willpower to push the speed up above 35kmh on flats and 30kmh on hills! good ride!

anyway, below is one of the picture that motivate me to ride hard! it's good to have an idol!



train hard!

don't change. for i love you as who you are. you are not the material for me to build my dream girl. you are my dream.



today's culture is diminishing culture. i think i will bring up this line in class later in the day and see where can we go from there.

"going to classes and reading those publications only dull your mind." -John Nash (A Beautiful Mind)

how true. i've skipped a week's worth of class. i stayed in my room, just think about anything and everything. from issues related to my sociology module to the force needed for me to pull window binds up, i've thought about them all. at the end of it, at least i'm happy that i see the same explanation for culture in my sociology textbooks and i manage to find some answers to physics through scribblings on my rough papers. hmmm..so maybe i will be skipping more lectures?

haha. no. i've made a clear stand to be a diligent student and attend all lectures everyday. yes. i was thinking, based on my effort, i get such average results. what will happen if i'm just as hardworking as anyone else? i'm still glad that i was born with a good brain. i must fully utilise it. or rather, exploit it.

anyway, i was just thinking, to be such a diligent student, wouldn't it mean to sacrifice some of the things i love most? i was just taking this week timetable as an example and i realised that to be such student, i would have to give up my trainings. i will have to give up a meet-up with my good o'buddy. life is tough isn't it? it's all about balance and i thought i just need a little diligence to balance it up. maybe i just want to be smart and yet still have the time to pursue my own passions rather than to be ultra smart and be a real geek.

anyway, i guess i need to prioritise my life pretty much. see your friends upgrade their interest items to a new level and not being able to get a OCLV at this moment is definitely devastating. thank god i receive the letter from AIA to remind me that i've actually made some savings. but i guess i want more! i want more money!

it will be amazing to know that how some people are actually driven by money. everything that they do must come with some monetary benefits or else they will not be doing it. satisfaction will not equate to money. money is the key! why? why are we living in such a society whereby money is so important?

a few weeks back, i was discussing with kk about will we be using money to buy love. as much as we may say the love do not evolve around money, we have to admit that with money comes the convenience of dating and getting to know each other better, spending more time together and such. this convenience has definitely blinded us from looking at each other's character and personality. we are now simply looking at how we are treated. how sure are we that if the conveniences are taken away, we will still be deeply in love?

OMG! Chris McCormack is going to Desaru Half-Ironman! now i feel like going there to be a spectator and also to spend some time relaxing at the beach!!! i'm sure it will be a real good motivation to train after seeing your idol sprint out of the transition area.

i just got back from a birthday celebration. yes. finally we made the guy who's always pushing drinks to others drunk. he is dead. we rejoiced!

we met a girl. a 19 year old girl who have been working in a KTV pub to ensure life moves on. a girl who dropped out of GCE 'N' level to earn money for her GCE 'O' level. very sad. my friend and i was discussing how she could have break free from the poverty circle. below is the conversation.

J : she's a very determined and hardworking girl. if she have not decided to give up, she would have made it far.

A : no way! it's a poverty cycle. her family is poor and only want her to start working as soon as possible to supplement the family income. sending her to school is just to fulfil the government's requirement for all children to be educated. yes. at least our government managed to send her all the way to O level and attain a certain level of education. even if she work hard, i doubt she will go far. she will be constantly tied down with family matters. her family, her house, will not be a conducive place to study. it will always be filled with anger and quarrels on money matters. her growing up will be affect and hence, forces her not to study.

we related it to our own situation and find it very relavant. it's really hard to break out of the poverty cycle. my estimate is that it will take 2 generations. one is just not enough. picture this. the father, very determined to break out of the poverty cycle, wants to work hard in school. however, his parents will think that education is less important than labour. everyday is a struggle. there's no excess income to provide for schooling. yes. that person will realise that and work very hard, ensuring that his offspring will not have to endure labour. instead, he pushes his offsprint through school. is the offspring doesn't realised that and happily spent the money away, they will fall back to the poverty cycle. however, if the offspring is matured enough to see his family's future, he will work hard, take advantage of the education he have and break out of the poverty cycle. hence, it is clearly shown that breaking out from the poverty cycle require consistent hardwork from 2 generations, not just the one that we thought.

i felt disgusted wasting myself away and touching other women.

yes. right now, i have a girl in mind. a girl which i thought it will be nice to continue my future with. a girl who's a fan of my ambition, a motivator and a constant reflection of myself. i felt that i need to protect myself from vices, for the sake of her. i did not touch the alcohol tonight. i just kept drinking the green tea mixer, which is so unlikely of me when the drinks are on the house. i felt disgusted when a girl (stranger) touch my hand. before that, i would probably felt fun in it and played along. this time, i truly felt the disgust. maybe, i'm protecting myself, reserving the best for her. yes. it is a positive motivation to have someone in mind.

i found my fan.

can't get to sleep coz i just took a shower. so might as well do some work.

yes. i meant work. not homework. i'm very excited about this. i'm going out to the real world to meet real people and real bosses!! it's real! and i'm glad that i'm the chosen as vice-manager for marketing department though Fel only really know me for a while. must be those proposals i explained to her over dinner and dance. darn! so it's darn good important to find a good opportunity to sit down and explain your shit. since now that i'm appointed, i might as well write some proposals before they disappear at the back of my head.

you are not forgotten, but dearly missed.

i'm kind of irritated by people who are always waiting for "invitation" to join in the activities of the group. yes. we understand you are busy. once or twice we called you down but we didn't manage to. months after months, we began to get sick of "oh, i'm busy." with no alternatives given. at least some have the courtesy to suggest that maybe he/she will join later etc. however, you simply brush us off with the magical words, "i'm busy". so we shouldn't intrude and interfere. yes. eventually, we began to stop asking you out. even if we really don't want to leave you out, we don't call you. we ask people around us if you will be busy because we are so sick of being rejected all the time. you are no superior than us. you don't reject people all the time. and now, you are complaining that we leave you out? why not you pick up the effort and get back to us and let us welcome you with open arms? stop waiting for our invitation because it will never arrive.

now, you know how deep the above statement in italics can cut. go figure.

i need a gloves. my hands are in pain and the pain is spreading upwards. it has reach my elbow. i want that adidas glove but it cost $70. one more thing to add to my budget for next month. then, i want a carbon frame and fork. it's freaking light!!!!!! i think i want to start savings. i'm not going to do my request-for-sponsor shit because i know i'm serious about it. i really want it. i target to get it by next year.

and yes!!!! i manage to keep up with the group today. manage to push myself to stay with them for all the upslopes. i've learnt to use cadence instead of pure hammering to help me. and i think all the pure hammering over the months did help me. i can use a low gear and go at high cadence. it's good. and the best of all? i beat the sucker in Trek Madone OCLV! YES! i don't like him! he's just off to show off his money. he's seriously just there to show off. i'm so happy that i beat him!!! maybe that was one motivation tonight to ride hard! and of course, special thanks to all the slopes in NUS. now, i can certainly climb with higher power.

she's not a sports person. she agree to go for the terryfox run with me. she started running this week to slowly build up her fitness. we just talked for 2 hrs. oh shit. i'm rather scared. i'm always scared when such things occur. you can't be too nice to me. i don't know how to reciprocate. i'm very afraid of girls asking you about BGR and immediately use it on you. i'm scared.

maybe i should just channel my energy for training. i have a target to meet. 21km in 1hr45mins! for a start, i shall aim to complete the terry fox run, 8km, in 35mins. not fast, but baby steps! remember! baby steps! don't get over-enthusiatic.

carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork carbon frame + fork

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

from here.