well, just before i sleep, i decided to flip my magazine and saw things i want for christmas. beside ipod nano.

before i save enough or before someone nice give this to me,



or this



i will just settle for this. 10 times cheaper. look almost as good as the one above. believe or not, it's casio. casio can actually design nice watches. the one i'm wearing now, dual-face from casio, is actually so nice that it has receive quite a fair bit of compliment.




now, for wishlist proper. since christmas and my birthday is coming. note : wishlist might just be what i myself want to save up and buy for myself. gotta love myself sometimes.

in order of preferance,

1) carbon frame and fork. (realistically, from trek or giant, idealistically, from pinarello or cervelo)
2) any of the above 3 watches.
3) ipod nano. (video is optional)
4) new oakley titanium half frame
5) a wallet from Dunhill
6) a leather bag from Dunhill (shit man. i think Dunhill makes a man look smart)

alright. that's all for now. i don't earn much. i wonder how long i will take to fulfil this wish.

got some calculations to do~

it's monday. i still feel like it's saturday because i slept the whole weekend away. i'm just so lousy with cough and flu medicine. what a weekend.

decided to wake up this early to make use of the morning air to do some mugging. pissed off with everything. i'm an angry man. there i was trying to sleep last night, feeling damn fucking drowsy, my whole family decided to wake me up, taking turns! bleah.

anyway, i was thinking about some sad things last night and amazingly, i realised, things that used to make me sad, make me cry, no longer have the ability to do so. i wonder why. is it because i have grown up? or is it just because i'm so used to such things that i'm no longer human. i'm just some piece of meat. i figured this will be rather good as i will not be affected by things some how.

i'm restarting my training today. i guess my leg will not hurt. it doesn't hurt when i walk. i'm just worried about my muscles. i slept so much that i thought i felt my muscles degenerating. my back is so stiff. my hamstrings so tight. argh. gotta be mentally prepared it's going to be a real sucky session later.

i'm still drowsy.

i miss partying!

boohoohooo! i'm at home on a saturday night. once in don't know how long.

i'm high on a saturday night. haha. on medicine. wtf.

i seriously miss partying. i was chatting with my friends for 4 hours the other day and realised how mad we used to be. now, it's all so boring. one of us got hitched. so naturally he became tamed. he still join us, just that now he don't go around playing with me. he's always the one that hardcore party with me. now he's tamed. hai. then someone joined our group every weekend. hai. no fun one. only smoke and look at girls. sometimes i wonder what's wrong. some people claim they come partying to enjoy the music. i say bullshit. why not you pay me $10 and i let you enjoy music for the whole night in my room. admit it. everyone want to get high. maybe they just don't bear to spend the money, thinking that there's so many people around. stupid.

come, Dec, i can't wait for you. my LIT! my zouk music! argh! if only it is just tmr.

oh fug. then again, seb fontaine is coming to zouk next fri. damn it. he's 2nd on the list for my favourite DJs.

cold turkey

get ready your floats.

Tsunamis in Singapore. i'm going alaska to hide. anyone?

i got 4 dream jobs.

1) hitman. wear a black suit, drive a black car, carry a revolver and a sniper rifle and run around everyday.

2) astronaunt. i'm not kidding.

3) car racer.

4) sound technician. i realised i have quite a niche in sound. i adjust my speakers till such that it sound as though the music is blasting out of my screen. i'm that sensitive. i will constantly move 1cm or 1 degree around to adjust so that my ears get the best sound.

that's in order of preference btw.

admit it. money is everything.

name me something that money can't buy and i proved it to you in the end, it's still money which makes it work.

i want to be FUCKING RICH. i want my sons to be called FILTHY RICH in future. i want him to live in a big house and eat nice food. i want him to be able to get what he needs and love. of course, i have my own set of education for understanding money isn't easy to come by.

don't you want to be rich?

zouk relaunch party tonight. i don't even have the slightest temptation to go as much as i missed zouk. i will go there in december to have my LIT hangout.

such big party is a turn off. i don't know. due to the following i guess.

1) it's so fucking crowded that you can't even walk.
2) everyone pretend to know everyone. this is so freaking irritating. you get people whom you don't even like coming to you and say hello and such as though it's their birthday party. wtf. if you have the chicks and the bottles, they probably stick around more, introducing their friends to you. yes, i know this is what the clubbing experience is all about. but you can tell that that's not their purpose. they just want to look popular. and note, you can even cheat him a few drinks if he has got a chick with him. lol.
3) the REAL popular babes and dudes get all the attention. so there goes your one-night-stand target.

i just don't get it how come some shithead just like to boast in this manner. wtf. suddenly everyone is calling everyone out. fuck man. i just can't understand this want-to-look-popular thing.

anyway, i'm so freaking jealous of car owners. because they get to drive my chick(not the numa numa chick) home!!!

"this shithead is driving me back later. so i can't go out with you"
"that shithead is SHO nice. he drove me to school"

oh wtf. how can i make you stop talking about other dudes in front of me.

I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the chicken little dance to dragostea din tea!!!!!!!!

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

after which, please proceed to dessert

I’m the guy who asked you if everything is alright.

I’m the guy who asked how your day is and sit down patiently to listen. Genuinely.

I’m the guy who will buy all sorts of medicine and appear at your doorstep when you say you felt ill.

I’m the guy who will kiss you goodnight, everynight.

I’m the guy who will STILL go out with his friends on ‘Friday poker’.

I’m the guy who will think of you at ‘poker’.

I’m the guy who will resist the urge to talk to you all the time because I don’t want you to be dependent.

I’m the guy who will walk away from you in a shop to give you the freedom.

I’m the guy who will keep you in sight though.

I’m the guy who wants to achieve because you give me the strength to do so.

I’m the guy who doesn’t want to wake you up although we have reached our stop.

I’m the guy who acted cool although I very much want to punch the face of the person who made you cry.

I’m the guy who feels so happy that you want to play silly dares with me.

I’m the guy who trains with joy because I have you in my mind.

I’m the guy who pretends to lose interest in you just so that you will continue to talk to me more.

I’m the guy who gets jealous of our friends when they see you everyday.

I’m the guy who doesn’t see you everyday.

I think of you everyday.

I’m the guy who trusts you.

I’m the guy who loves you.

I’m the guy who wrote all these because I’m thinking of you now.

i found it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chicken little dance!!!!!!!

here!

and for those who love the noma numa yei in the theatre, check this out!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

i was feeling rather free today, so decided to pop into the NUS clinic, hoping to get some free cream to remove the corn under my feet. i'm sick of numb feet after cycling. it turns out to be a wart which the doctor gave me 2 choices.

1) remove it surgically.
2) remove it using liquid nitrogen

of course, i took the first option because it's MUCH faster.



that stupid thing was there for 6 months. i didnt know it's so bad. i thought it was just some stupid corn which refuse to go away.

this is after. it's no joke after the anaesthesia worn off. it's really painful man! no joke having 1cm deep of your flesh cut out. btw, the doc used some electronic thingy to cut off the warts. i was lying down there, wondering how come there's smell of barbequed food in the clinic before the doc asked

"how do you find the smell of yourself?"

hahahahaha..he said, "after all, we are all the same right?"

ya..so much so for just finishing a lecture which talk about the flesh eating story of the plane crash in some mountain.

and lastly, the pain of a triathlete-wannabe.

amazingly i scored 20 out of 30 for my sociology test! apparently it's an 'A' grade. after attending 2 lectures and 1 tutorial only. hahaha. my classmates are fuming mad. oh well, there's no point in using a strict formula or a format when it's all about passion and observations. oh fug, i'm damn smug about it. hhahaha.

maybe i'm better at arts subject.

i'm really very thankful. i was given a second chance. i can't explain how this chance come about. this isn't science. it isn't maths neither. i'm just thankful. i asked for clues and i was given some.

it's amazing how you can sense the presence without having physical contact.

you know you visit a club too much when

1) the chicks recognise you
2) the MEN recognise you
3) you are so close to the bartender that you often get special deals
4) the live band lead vocalist say hi to you while on the stage

WTF!

anyway, enough is enough. after a week long of partying, it's time to stop. alot of realisations today. i'm still driven by love, and the believe that there's love in everyone. as innocent as it sound. so don't take advantage of me ok?!

i felt love after i came out from my hiding. love from people i least expected. or rather, i didn't receive the love from people i most expected. well, a whole new meaning to "when you least expect it".

thanks (in chronological order) to nicole, sc, mum, jp and jl. not much. but they are the one who said things that change everything. special thanks to nicole. not because she's my crush but because she said the most impactful thing.

and of course, special special thanks to G. the words that still make me.

remember you are perfect. god makes no mistake.

yesterday, 2 women made my day. i just wanted to throw everything aside and hug them.

1st, nicole who is so concern(i asked. it's purely friend-friend concern) about my drunken behaviour over the past few days. i specially kept one of her sms because it will serve to remind myself what i have promised myself.

2nd, my mum who called me when everyone was ignoring me.

oh, i'm just becoming such a mummy's boy.

i miss my mummy!

i'm drunk. for the 3rd night in a row. and considering this is only friday morning. which means i've been out since tuesday night. shiok. new record.

the position is just driving me crazy la. pple have one month to do a 3 man group project. i have only myself a week to do that.

and i wonder why old woman throw themselves at me. as much as i don't want them, they throw themselves at me. maybe it's because i look cool trying to reject them? or maybe it's because i'm the only young dude around all the old men. hahaha. old men seek advice from me to "just dance with a babe". WTF! a clingy woman called me after clubbing. i think i'm having alot of fun at thumper. i love that place. i mean, i'm there, spending just $13 to get myself silly drunk, with people offering to buy me a whole bottle of liquor, JUST because i talk to girls. WTF! old men are really fucked and desperate. hahahah. well, i don't care. i just took it as business, i talked to young girls, i know them, i introduced to you, you supply me with booze. PERFECT.

fuck. and i almost brought the clingy woman home, to fuck that is. oh shit, thanks to the live band, and the skin head singer who saved my life. hahah.

i made believe that bad guys win the war.

i was shown good guys have the last laugh.

for that, i will believe in You. i hope it's a sign.

yes. i was out trying to be a bad guy. i wanted to have chicks around me. which guy don't? every single thing that happen to me shown me that i should be who i am. good guys still win the show. sadly, i didn't get any chicks around me but i understood The Plan for me.

i think i want to quit school. school is just not for me. it dulls my mind. i will do so much better outside. then again, fucking 200k. the moment i thought of a way to raise that sum, i will quit school. hmm..but the honours certificate will be a back up plan. hai. i'm still a coward.

i want to help you grow up, to chase the dreams you wanted.

btw, "40 year old virgin" is a damn funny show. highlight of the show being me shouting "GILF!!" in the middle of the show when the cinema is dead quiet! blame it on my friend who just have to tell me "so she's a grandma" when everyone is so quiet.

drunken words maybe. i will sleep now. i think there's a worm in my head anyway.

thump thump thump! i think i'm waking everyone up now with my bass to the max, volume to the max. i love my edifier! it's cool! one day, when you guys come visit my room, i will show you my disco.

my friend asked me how come i can afford to skip lessons all the time. i replied,"i'm going to find a smart girl and get married so that my children can enjoy life like me too!"

anyway, NUS students are a bunch of really weird people. instead of simply telling peers which modules they are taking, they prefer it to be coded.

"oh! u mean u r taking one four oh four too?"
"eh..have you finish you one three six three homework?"

wtf. if you are thinking of coming to NUS, please prepare for the entrance exam which will include a short test of all the codes for all the modules in campus. or risk being a weird guy like me who always have to "err..what's tt module? i meant, what's the name?". haha.

perhaps you can see a selfish character in all of them. why would they assume that everyone else will know what does the code represent? i, for one, perhaps the only one, don't even know my modules code! or rather, i don't see a need in knowing it. weird.

how come i will sneeze when i look into mid day sun? anyone care to enlighten me? i've never thought about this until i was sneezing like mad when i walked past a babe in the afternoon. damn!

also,

can we think about nothing? how can we shut our brain off such that it don't think. i mean i don't think. hey! i'm the brain coming up with these words now! when we are distracted, we are thinking about something else. when we sleep, we dream. thoughts always fill our brains. so how do we, or can we, stop thinking altogether? unless you can answer this question, always risk a slap from me if you answer 'nothing' when people ask you "what are you thinking about?".

had a great time at bar none. oh, how i miss that place. no, i did not get any free sex with hot babe (sadly). and with that, i didn't mean i got free sex with a non-hot babe. i just didn't get free sex ok? if you are wondering why did i associate free sex with hot babe (i will try again) with bar none, bar none is the NUMBER ONE spot in Singapore to get free sex. and i have to agree (more later). i didn't get paid sex either. hahaha. it was a clean affair. listening to live band while sipping the night away. i was craving for such nice ambience for so long.

yes. i saw a girl, standing by herself. i was so sure she was coming for what bar none is famous for. yes. this guy walk over to her, they chatted and drank. the guy slowly became an octopus and start having his tentacles (not testicles) all over her. she brushed him off. 'aww..how sad. no more sex for you dude' i thought. one hour later, fuck! they are making out at the bar! WTF! you just have to know how to do it. now, i'm going to try all methods D told me before. hahahaha. maybe they will really work (yes, i really don't believe her because it was ridiculous). and i'm not going to spoil brothel business here. haha.

many of you are going to think i'm mad or what by this time. no. i'm just a little openminded lately. effects of westernisation. hai~ no worries, there IS STILL a difference between having sex and making love. oh, why did i have such open-minded thoughts tonight? douglas (yes, that singapore idol judge dude) was discussing penis with a female patron on stage. that just led me into thinking how conservative we are. we can't even openly talk about the name of the organ itself!

footnote : i was kidding. i'm not going to clubs to look for free sex. no worries. not paid sex either. haha.

i was really enjoying my 11hours in front of the laptop doing my position paper. now, i feel fucked up. not because my groupmates are so lousy that i have to change everything and restart research myself, but just feel fucked.

sometimes, when you give something genuine, only not to be appreciated, you feel fucked. or rather, only not to know to be appreciated. ah. what to do? Mr Great up there have it planned out. no means no. i rather it be that straightforward. maybe You can drop me a hint or two, then maybe i will have more faith in You. it certainly beats all the guessing which i have never get it right.

will i be charged for i've been indirectly hurling abusive language at Him? haha.

"When patients present with multiple somatic complaints, depression, dependency on tranquilizers, or compulsive behaviors, asking about the family situation may be extremely productive"

how true.

i'm getting fun reading all these psychological research.

and apparently,

i'm a potential big time criminal. i wonder what i will do.

weekend. total 8 hours of solid mugging (airport n through the night). 6 hours of partying. 6hours of hanging out with friends. 4 hours of sleep only. hallucinating. (i don't know what other hours are spent. miscellaneous perhaps?)

yes. last night i was hallucinating. i was so stressed that i was having spasms, having difficulty in breathing. thankfully the phone rang and i was eased back to sleep.

after a long while of being such a no-lifer (my new term), i finally caught a movie. "goal!" was truly inspiring and touching. i love the part whereby forgiving (will not spoil the show by letting you know).

i'm incoherent, or rather "rambling" as my tutor described. i'm just sleepy. i'm back here to take a power nap. got lotsa sleep debt to clear.

i'm going to spend my future weekends catching up.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz~

project stronger-me : don't make decision when you are sleepy. more often than not, they are always bad choices.

bored. i can't sleep. can't study, so i decided to play around with things in my laptop. did this and a few spreadsheet. that's not me btw. it's my idol, chris mccormack. all these are part of project stronger-me. the spreadsheet is for my money matters.

Control and regulate, not deprived

i'm going airport to mug now~!~!~!

CAN'T WAIT FOR MINISTRY OF SOUND TO OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catch a preview, just like how i'm blasting my subwoofer now.

ministry of sound

i think i'm going to get their CD like this weekend! i love trance!

THUMP THUMP THUMP!

if God preaches love, why restrict love to only people who believes in You? isn't love about accepting everyone? what right do you have to say that he who does not love Him does not love her? this is so selfish! are you trying to recruit more "members" into Your special club? love between human cannot be qualify by our believes. it cannot be qualify by how much we love You. You will still be the One looking at us. yes. but sadly, some of us do not believe in You.

ARGH!

because you are not christian.

i don't understand why so many people make skipping classes such a big deal. if you know you are going there for the sake of going there instead of learning, why bother? we are old enough to judge by ourselves what's useful and what's a waste of time.

i'm making skipping classes such a big deal because about three quarters of the term is gone and i've only attended about 30% lessons. damn.

now, i know i must work hard because she's a damn smart girl, damn hardworking girl. sometimes you need to push yourself higher to match the rest.

project stronger-me

i'm feeling damn flattered. i was asked to end a meeting. a meeting which i was just "dropping by". i was asked to teach everyone something. guide them. i was asked to pass instructions. the feeling IS DAMN SHIOK! however, irritatingly, i stepped on the person's tail. the person who is going to write the report for me for this project. obviously he think i'm getting myself too much attention now and he's making it up now. as much as he's hiding certain details from me, past respect earned always get the details to my ears nonetheless. haha. well, i don't care. at least he's working now. i don't bother about recognition for lousy things under lousy people.

after watching "because i'm a girl" MTV (by 'kiss') upteen times, i finally understood another, or perhaps the most important thing in the video. it all begin with the eyes and it will all end with it. probably it's also trying to say that love is blind. ah, those who want to video can get it from me. 8 minutes of touching romance, pretty lead actress and nice song of course.

is love blind? i don't know. easy answer. haha. really, for a few times, i asked myself, how do i define love? can i just simply brush it off as 'a natural feeling'? if i claim that i love someone, can i provide tonnes of reasons why i love him/her without much thoughts? i mean, not corny answer like "i love her for who she is" etc but substantial answer. i think i can spoil alot of marriage by asking "list 10 reasons why you love him/her" in some wedding dinner. lol. nah. i'm not that mean. even they do not "truly" love each other, i respect their union by marriage.

love the one you marry or marry the one you love?

i spoilt the market in physics lab session today by being the only bastard to print it out instead of handwritten. why not? i did it the same speed as my partner, i might as well make use of what i have to make things a little nicer and easier for the professor to read. haha. it's so fun to see people carrying their handwritten work, walking past me, ready for submission and then suddenly rush back to their seats and start typing furiously. hahahha. it's fun to see how people struggle. those stupid idiots.

yes. i realised that although i have put in more effort, my reward will not be as high. thus, i stop working so efficiently. good and bad. good is to let them catch up, bad is that the project come to an halt. seriously, i see no point. at least i'm nice enough now to help. i'm weird. i rather not be paid to help my friends rather than to be paid less than them to do more work. i guess i just want everyone to learn something out of it. anyway, i'm really losing interest in this project. i'm just hanging on for the sake of it. i've lost the vibe to work. i don't know if i should blame the team for their..er..team effort, or the lack of it, or should i blame myself for being so procrastinating. both are at fault i guess. sometimes it's nice to just take the back seat and move only when something happen. alright. cool. now i will just do enough to get what i deserve. maybe i don't even want to help some of them liao. what's the point of helping them when they just go on to claim the credits without even thanking you. life's a bitch yes. life is competitive and i shall compete now.

it's kinda hard to keep away from msn. haha. sometimes, you just feel like having some being accompanying you somewhere. well, nonetheless, it's still kept off from my laptop. i'm dead serious about project stronger-me. it's working well so far so good. at least it kept me from missing my lab session this morning when the weather is all cold and nice to sleep in.

project stronger-me

i'm going home tonight. instead of wasting time here, i might as well go home and make some people happy. then again, i will be risking my maths lecture tmr at 8am. gosh! anyway, i'm going home to rest. sometimes, when you are tired, you just need to rest near someone close. i'm getting out of this hide-in-the-room-myself-when-things-go-wrong shit.

i love my speakers and subwoofer. they rock (literally)!!!!!

okay. i got to admit i got rather down after knowledge of the Bali bombing incident. i was out on friday night, on my way to a party. i was in the taxi, looking at things around me, just plain enjoying the view, having nothing on my mind when suddenly, i see an image of an terrorist attack, a big explosion.(i don't know what time they bomb Bali but i got that image at 11pm) i must say that i was so shocked at that point of time, so shocked that i almost asked the driver to turn back and send me back to family warmth. i was so afraid. actually, that's one of the reason why i didn't get drunk that night when i wanted to initially.

so the party ended and i was glad that i didn't hear any explosion. i was glad. i was back in the comfort of my home again. sadly, to my horror, i read about the Bali incident the next morning.

so, now, i hope you understand my depression. but i'm well now. my condolences to those who were innocently killed.

NOW..

just a quick calculation to reveal how much stress i'm in now.

exams are less than 2 months away
exams are less than 7 weeks away
exams are less than 35 academic days away!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF!!! time flies!!!!! i'm really in need to mug! this also serve to wake me up on how much i've missed!

i realised how a hedonist i am. i came to school to have fun and such, neglecting schoolwork and family. i might as well not come to school. sucks. as much as i'm disappointed with myself, i've plans for some changes. of course, it might seem late but better late than never.

first thing first, we (me and nicole) have vowed to stay away from msn to the weekend. (i still wonder why she like to do such stupid things with me) so friends, if you see me online on msn, chase me away ok?

next, mugging session on weekends. my weekends need to be changed from clubbing madness to mugging madness. please, interested parties do let me know. time start from as early as 9am (i really love the morning air) to as late as the Changi Airport Terminal 2 canteen close. for unknown readers, just give those of us mugging there a cheer when you see us ok? those who know me whom i don't know you, give me a hug and tell me that everything is ok when you see me alright?

i'm mad. but the airport mugging sessions are DEAD SERIOUS! i must feel like a undergraduate, not like some party dude, as much as i love van wilder.

cheers~

project "stronger-me" phase 1 - stage 1 - part 1

(yes, i'm that mad. i drafted out a series of things to do to make myself stronger and better and richer.)