rented a car on friday night so that i can shift my things from hostel back home. drove a full tank worth of petrol, that is about 11hours of driving in 24hours. damn i feel like a cab driver. i had lotsa fun and learnt alot of things too.

first up, finally learnt how to brake into a corner and keep the rev up at the same time. yes. i do stupid things with rented cars. then had a full minute worth of tyres screeching down devil's bend. i had to admit at the first corner i got a shock when i heard the screeching. however, feeling that it's still under control, i continued. then had a puncture and had to change tyres. first time i'm changing tyres. not bad, took about only 20minutes. then, drove down mandai at 100kmh when the visibility is like wat? a 100m? damn heavy downpour. further down the road there was no rain but i thought i was dead when the car skidded like mad when i stamped the brakes for the amber light. i was glad to know that my reaction was to counter steer though. scary. fishtail ain't fun.

if ever i'm going to get a car in future, i will make sure i have a set of hard suspension and low profile tyres. it will be fun then. of course, it must be a manual car!




the amount of things that has to be transported back. 2 guys and it's so much. thank god neither of us had printer in our rooms. when i help seb to take his things back, the laser printer took up half the boot space. basket. my poor bike was underneath everything! hope the spokes and frame wasn't screwed.



saw this on the front bumper. earlier in the night while i was travelling down at 120kmh, a spat of white stuff fell on the windshield. i thought it's bird shit. apparently, i've killed something while speeding. oh no.

exams shouldn't be about who can memorise the most things and regurgitate in the span of 2hrs. exams should be testing you on your thinking. if i were a lecturer, i will throw come surprise test every now and then whereby i will teach the students a brand new concepts and test them the moment i finish teaching. the one who score the highest learn the best!


last paper! we are allowed to bring in 2 helpsheets for the exams. as long as it's handwritten.


you should have seen my notes. anyway, i wrote my helpsheet from 9am till 12pm. why? just because i doze off last night and slept all the way till 8am. my sleeping pattern had been damn risky of late.


just to emphasize my point on how we squeeze as many things as we can into the helpsheet.mine is considered DAMN SLACK. you should have seen some of the girls' one. no white spaces anywhere.


sometimes, some pictures bring a smile to your face.

bring me the vodka! let's get it started!

hai, and the reason i fell asleep last night? i was supposed to take a nap from 10pm to 12am. then start revising. while taking my nap, i've got 3 calls asking me if my exams have ended, asking me out to club. sometimes, it just ain't healthy when people you know all LOVE to club.

i want to eat.........







*slurps*

last night, amidst all the fun talking, my friend(who doesn't own any cars) told me this.

"by one look, people will think that i drive integra coz i have that kind of drive-expensive-car face but they know you are those who take bus because you sucks."

(disclaimer : yk, he HAPPENED to say 'integra'. please take it figuratively. )

that was when i was talking about how all the old honda civics dc5 and eg6 are of superb engineering. so i wonder, it's no longer about what goes behind. it's now about how good it look. be it good or lousy. it's the same. i have another friend(who rides a carbon-frame trek) who doesn't have much respect for this senior of mine who was riding this old steel cervelo frame. little does he know that this senior has DAMN strong and powerful legs. so, does looking good makes you better?

what is the "drive-expensive-car face"?

i have to agree with the fact that rich kids do look better. all the korean and japanese dramas are all but a bluff. when you are rich since young, you ate better food. or rather, your mum ate good tonics when having you. our body is made up of molecules that we ingested over the last six months. so what you eat do affect how you look. also, when you are in a rich, your family has less problems to think about and so you are given more attention. also, with less trouble, naturally, you will look better. stress hormones also affect fetus. so if your mum ain't stress, you develop without interruption. oh well, this is all by majority. it's not by right.

and so, what's with all these living in fantasies to boost your own ego? what's the point? i was once such victim and i'm getting out of it now. oh well, haven't i mentioned that i hate people who puts another person down just so that he/she/it look better? get a life. prove it.

talk is cheap. thinking is free.

bleah, sensitive me is always affected by what people say about me.

so i planned to start studying after my nap but i woke up 4hrs late, albeit the alarm and a call from my friend.

well, i'm definitely not complaining. i can't rememeber when was the last time that i had such a good sleep. power sleep without any dreams or interruptions. power sleep when you wake up after your body feels recharged instead of being woken up by the alarm. good. now i'm all fresh to start revising. and the even better news is all the things from the book is in my head. i tried recalling some concepts which i had diffculty understanding and i was able to recall it! yes, i do this to test my brain to see if it has understood the thing.

"if you don't think you can do THAT well for ur paper, might as well fuck around with people's minds hahaha." -AL

YES! it is fun to fuck the mind of those idiots who tried to knock you down just minutes before paper. i fucked the mind of the guy sitting beside me in my Financial Accounting paper today! he will look up, stare at me, then start flipping pages frantically! i was sitting laid back, shaking my legs. even the invigilators keep looking at me. oh well, but i thought that the paper was rather easy until everyone said that it's hard. now, that scares me. because everytime that happens, i get shitty grade. well, let's just see.

however, programming paper in the morning ain't fun at all. IT'S WACKY TOUGH! and that doesn't help when you have problems sleeping and end up with only 15minutes of sleep before the paper. grrrrr....... anyway, i was smiling again when i came out of the exam hall because EVERYONE find it tough too!!!! yes, i've become evil under continuous stress by NUS. when people don't do well, my grades wouldn't fall too much.

yet i'm still amazed by how i hope that a few of my friends will do really well for their examinations. they should be rewarded with their efforts!
when you are jealous, you think God is unfair to you.

believe that everyone is fairly treated in life. it makes you a happier person. rejoice when people around you are doing well.

meanwhile, it's breakfast while i revise!



it's good to see something like tt beside your bed at that hour hur!


this is my fav! i love eggs!





*blurp*

(btw, i'm not deviating from my diet. once a while, you need to treat yourself to sinful food. if not, the binge craving will come back. also, you can't keep your caloric intake low ALL THE TIME. your body metabolism will adapt. so once in a while(once every 3 days, you need to increase caloric intake to bluff the body that you are still having normal meals.)

footnote : i know i'm still in living in my shadow when people keep asking keep asking me when my exams will end so that they can go clubbing with me. WTF!

i'm very much prepared to retake one of my modules next semester.

i'm weird. i feel weird whenever i don't know EVERYTHING about the modules i take. for example, last semester maths, i couldn't understand the "laplace transformation" at all. not even till after i took the examinations. oh well, i actually wrote an email to the lecturer and NUS to request for access to the webcast lectures. and i studied it again in the vacation. how weird. most people are like telling me, "it's over la. you have passed the module, why bother?" i don't know. it's just something inside of me that is incomplete.

that's well i'm very much prepared to retake this modules. i wouldn't be disappointed whatsoever. i totally don't know what's going on. of course, not because i'm stupid, because i didn't attend lectures. oh well~

anyway, for the past 3 days, i've consumed like 1000kcal per day. and i even did the NUS de loop again yesterday morning. managed to get 3 loops done and still feeling strong. i stopped because i was feeling really really sleepy. i did the loops at 0530am ok! not that i've woken up but i haven't slept. with that low caloric consumption, i hope i'm slimming down. i mean, an average sedentary male will burn up to 2000kcal a day.

it doesn't pay to be nice. period. i shall be nasty.

oh well, 5 more days to freedom. 5 more days for me to start a new life.

while surfing the internet, i chanced upon some feng shui. try them. it's pretty fun. i guess they are rather true too!



Your Fortune at Birth



Moles and what they say about you

when the mind beats the body.

was mugging tonight. halfway through, i stopped and listen to some preachings. took it as a rest and some drilling into my head not to give up. works wonder. suddenly, i had the same feeling i had when i was studying for my exams in primary school. (i always top the class(and level) in primary school ok!). then, a feeling i had when i was in secondary school came back too. the feeling of asking myself to take a break and let go of some chapters. my principle is always to let go of some better than to lose all.

well, so i went out for a ride after drooling at these pictures.

planned to go for 4 laps of NUS de loop. loop one was great. loop 2 was disastrous. couldn't catch my breath after the first slope, that LONG slope. however, amazingly i powered up the business slope. the steepest of all. oh well, i thought to myself, don't stop so early. so i went for a third loop. however, halfway through the slope, my legs gave up. i mean, they just stopped moving! WTF! i thought, although there's no one around looking at me but i can't lose face for making a u-turn and go downslope. i got out of the saddle and powered my way through. at the peak, my whole body shook. i couldn't breath properly. vision start to get blurred. it's those kind of feeling when you are fuck drunk and yet can't puke. btw, my hands are still shaking now. (after 20mins).

however, i feel DAMN GREAT NOW! the feeling of pushing air into your lungs. it's like the turbo charger in the engine. great. the feeling of your heart pounding.

you know you are still alive.

**NUS de loop**
i start at PGP. it is a moderate but long long slope. i call this the pgp slope. about 0.5km of slope. after that, it is a long downslope all the way till what i call the science(faculty) slope. this is a short slope of about 100m. with the momentum carried forward, this is the most chicken of all so i always push it through with the big chainring.

then it's all the way to the YIH mini slope. this is a prelude to the central library slope. the trick about YIH slope is that it is gentle at the start and it get steeper, ending with a sharp turn to the central library slope. with thus, choosing the right gear at the start is important. all momentum lost, the central library slope is considered rather steep.

after which, it is the arts(faculty) slope. a very long road with a very gentle gradient. i use this part to spin and get my legs ready for the mother of all, the business(faculty) slope. to cancel your momentum, after the downhill from the arts slope, there's a hump to slow you down and a sharp turn with a gentle slope. to make matter worse, there're 2 humps and a drain with grating parallel to the road JUST before the slope. so we are almost as good as starting from rest. ultra steep slope which had killed me again and again until i conquered it recently. it no longer scares me.

that pretty sums up 1 NUS de loop. my high intensity training for power and lactate tolerance for my cycling.

after 3 days at home, i'm back to my hostel. insomnia sets in again. fortunately, i've discovered that this insomnia problem lies with the pillow (no pun intended) i use here in my hostel. it is just too soft and flat. to speak of which, i have a aching neck now. i'm sleepy. my brain can't absorb anymore information and my heart is beating fast. yet this blardy pillow keeps me awake.

for the 3 days at home, i staged a cold war. my parents invaded my privacy and they doubt me for the most unbelieveable things. thinking back, i wasn't feeling guilty at all. i wonder who else can break my record. 3 days at home and i did not speak a single word. whenever someone is at home, i will close my door and sleep. oh well. i'm still pissed. nonetheless, i feel like staying at home next semester. maybe then i wouldn't play so much. then again, the fact of sharing things with my brother irks me. we will see how it goes.

it's amazing how i love engineering during exams period. it's just wonderful to see how the world works. well, if only such passion can happen in the semester. this semester is a bad semester. let's take a look back.

january i was highly motivated because of lain. i did all my tutorials and never have any backlogged lecture webcasts. i was training hard with the cycling team. i hardly have any slack time.

february midterm tests were a big hit. i supposed after being so different from the previous semester and being so hardworking and knowing how to do all questions in the test, i will be getting superb grades. on the contrary, i flunked. all time low. damn sad. i hate studying. i start to believe that there's no point going to classes and doing homework anymore.

march i was so lonely that i keep going out with my colleagues. almost every other night. i just don't want to be left alone. my colleagues were my only friends then. maybe that's why we are bonded so close now.

april was wake up month and i just have to deal with insomnia and more troubles handling people. i was tired. i lost all motivation to do all things. now, 2 days away from exams, i'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

all these were made worse when people around me have to think that i'm making merry and wasting my life everyday. i'm having the feeling that they thought that i was leading some high life and think that their life is not suitable for me. i was severely left out. speaking of which, i'm very amazed by how well i bonded with some of my colleagues. well, initially i also thought that we were just normal colleagues and drinking buddies. turns out to be that they are rather concern with me too. it's like they can sense that there's something wrong and instead of ditching, they came forward to help. this is what i really appreciate.

my craving for a person who can understand me without me saying a word is back.

sometimes, it's just so hard for people to know you.

we judge too much. we always look at things on the surface. we failed to communicate and understand what's really going on. if things don't go our way, we look at things from a negative point of view. misunderstanding is created.

i like to listen to my friends and i also like to be listened to. who don't?

sometimes, it really help to have a friend who is experiencing things similar to you. i was so bothered by things that i wanted to lock myself in but after a short talk with my friend, i decided to go out. not at all the best of choices but it was the best for me then.

at least i woke up after that night.

so now for the past few days i have been staying at home. it's making me happy. no, please don't go "see i told you family matters." because i was feeling very happy and such ONLY when i'm alone at home. whenever someone else is back, i feel some form of fear. oh well, such phase will pass soon.

i've been slimming down alot. maybe it's all due to the pressure and my six small meals per day now. i can't wait for the rain to stop and exams to end to go out in the sun again. somehow, i don't really dare to train. first, for fear that i might get into some freak accidents and end up having to do my exams with bandages. secondly is that i don't want to tire myself out. i mean, when i swim, i swim one hour. when i run, it's around there. when i bike, it's about 2 to 3 hours. that's not taking into account the fatigue and sleepiness that follows.

caught the news featuring victoria cambell while having my own quiet breakfast. i love making my own breakfast and having them alone while reading newspaper and tv. that's life man. anyawy, that article is pumping motivation back into me! good good.

nonetheless, i'm looking forward to the sun again. and i want to go mountainbiking. i have been neglecting my mtb upgrade.

rainy days make you lazy.

that is DAMN WRONG!

i thought it was a beauty pageant. maybe it's the way they advertise it. why is there a need to highlight "bikini swimwear"? are they very confident that by merely stating that wallpaper of contestants are available, they will get less response?

i'm dying of stress. zouk on wed was good. thumper on thurs was good. i need all these nonsense to fill the emptiness in me. there's a symptom with people that if we are too lonely, we need to spend to cover that hole in our hearts. it's just another process of making ourselves feel good. no, i'm not talking about having a girlfriend or what. the thought of going into a relationships still give me shudders. i'm talking about in general.

i feel like a soul left behind.

maybe i'm too independent for my own good.

if you like "moulin rouge" or "chicago", then you will like "the producers" too.

i don't like to speak on the phone when there are people physically around me. sometimes i will say "i'm sorry. i'm with someone. i will call you back later". or in days when i'm a little tired, i will give slipshort answer, sounding very uninterested. but isn't it basic courtesy? in the past when lain used to call me, i always tell her "hang up. go and talk to your friends." as much as i want to speak to her. sometimes, people get my hint. they will ask, "is it not a convenient time for you to speak now?" also, when i call(as far as possible, i try not to) during dinner time, around 6 to 7pm, i normally ask if it's appropriate to call. or if i think i'm going to hang on to the line for quite a while, i will ask if it's convenient.

but why are some people just so insensitive and inconsiderate?

i guess we lack basic courtesy at times.

saw a rather interesting scenario today in the carpark. girl had her ankle bandaged. girl was limping. boy walked very fast ahead. boy drives a evolution 9. boy look MAXIMUM 19. boy got into the car, start the engine, and sat there waiting for the girl. both of us had the same reaction. "see, sometimes, these girls just see the car. they can't even tell who is worth it."

also, saw something rather disappointing last night. met my specialists at the coffeeshop after clubbing. amazing, they left after eating, leaving the other 2 girls (the only girls) who are dead drunk around. amazing! even if it's just acquaintances, i will at least see them to the cab. but they left the girls at the coffeeshop. omg. worse still, one of them actually drives. what in the world is going on?

with greater power comes greater responsibility.

sometimes i wish that i'm just a dumb and simple minded person. right from the start in primary school, if i have always been failing my exams, i probably will not feel anything if i fail my exams now. maybe i will not feel inferior when i ain't better than the rest. maybe i will not feel depressed all the time. i have a responsibility to uphold my image. why? why do i even bother? i can fail exams and i can be a slump. why do i bother? who gave me that obligations?

my life killed me.

damn wrong.

Club Review : The Butter Factory

firstly, it's quite our luck to reach the door, only to have the bouncer telling us that it's "full house" RIGHT AFTER the girls in front of us got in. after much patient wait, we (myself and my clubbing buddy) got the door bitch's attention and she apologise profusely for not being able to let us in. then, 2 guys have to fool around and bargain with the bouncer before they were check if they were 23. thank god we acted like cool gentlemen. we got in. the other 2 dudes walked away disappointed. the door bitch wore a damn sexy white corset by the way.

"no worries. of course we don't mind waiting outside having you around."

small club. colour walls. rather nice music (R & B). alot alot of chicks!

guess i will be visiting that place rather often. hehe! anyone interested to join me?

by the way, i swear the door bitch is evelyn ng.

i found a new website for my porn requirements. the companion of my sleepless nights.

has anyone been to The Butter Factory?

i came to a conclusion today. most people are selfish. i had enough of people who hog on to the walkway. i don't understand why some groups have to walk such that they lined up the whole walkway? those who don't give way should be chided. those who SAW YOU BEHIND TRYING TO OVERTAKE AND STILL don't give way should be given the death sentence. inconsiderate shitheads.

say if you are walking with your friend along a narrow corridor, chit chatting. and you happen to see someone approaching from behind, will you move to such a position to give enough space for the person to cross or at least let your friend know so that he/she can move aside too?

i have many encounters whereby the person stared at me right in the eyes and did nothing.

i have many encounters whereby i said "excuse me", he/she looked at me, AND PRETENDED THAT NOTHING HAPPENED!

i even have encounters whereby ,after the above 2 prove useless, i tapped the person lightly and GOT A STARE OF DISGUST back! WTF!

anyway,

i've got a very interesting qoute to share. lifted it off one of my old entries.

"how good i will feel when it's over"

this line has brought me motivation to go to class, train harder and study hard for exams. think about it. the sense of satisfaction we have after we accomplished things.

extraordinary tingles in the heart ordinary events brought us

after my last post, i went to bed straight. after 10 hours( i set 2 alarms but i didn't hear them, neither did i remembering shutting them off) of eye shut, i'm still as tired as when i posted the last entry. it felt as though i posted it a minute ago. things i read just before i sleep are still so fresh. it's really as though i just did them. or for the matter or fact, i woke up, wondering why it's already bright when i remember just doing the things when it's still dark. then, after much thinking, i remember i've did alot of things. only upon careful thinking, i realised i did not do those things. i was dreaming.

damn i need deep sleep.

it's really bad because i'm so tired that i can hardly find the energy to walk to the toilet. maybe my body is wasting itself away now. nonetheless, i took today off to completely rest. no nothing today. simply rest the body and the brain. no work, no mugging, no training. maybe training might help. i like endorphins. then again, maybe this fear of skipping a training is making me so tired. i don't know.

nonetheless, let me just rest today.

i've never felt so useful for a damn long time.

woke up at 2am (yes, my body clock is THAT SCREWED nowadays.) and then had a good breakfast and movie before starting to revise for the exams. although i kept getting distracted by my weekly planning of training and activities, i managed to clock some hours for my electrical engineering. it don't seem so hard afterall. anyway, i proceeded to train (ride) at 10am, followed by project discussion and project itself, from 2pm till now! 11:30pm!!! omg! i love projects i tell ya. i've spent so much time doing the research for the questions i'm responsible for that my friends are astounded. they wonder why i'm in faculty of engineering instead of arts of business. anyway, it's rather unfair. we had an initial discussion on tues and we consolidated quite a few points. only the questions i'm responsible for have no pointers. i'm supposed to go source for my own research. damn it.

anyway i love the questions i'm doing. it make me feel so real-life. i feel like an real adviser, preparing a report for some investors. maybe that's why i love projects. it's the process that feel so real and the end product is always tangible. i hate studying. i mean, not that grades ain't tangible, but what good do they serve if they only reflect your ability to regurgitate as much information and your ability to write and punch the calculator faster than everyone else? how does grade matters when he, the one in the dean's list, stare blankly when the questions ask about real life application. what use does grades possess when all we can is to read churns and churns of equations without knowing how to apply it? bleah~ don't get me started.

also, training today is damn good. apparently my hard training for the past 2 weeks paid off. i felt a dramatic increase in power and the ability for my body to remove lactate from those muscles. i didn't even drop my chainrings when i climbed those slopes that used to give me alot of fatigue. instead, i power-ed through them! i can feel the lactic acid building up but i feel them going off as fast as they come. this is damn good! and now i can climb up that stupid slope behind school of business in 2 gears higher than i normally does and yet move up with higher speed and i last longer with that wattage.

anyway, thanks to the buzz today that i'm feeling sleepy now. a good sign that my bio clock is getting back to normal.