a few nights ago, i couldn't sleep so i spent the whole night reading my old blog entries. and i wondered where has all my motivation gone to. i was so different. then, school work and training are both important to me. right now (as in right now, not this period of time), i hate both. alright, i only hate schoolwork. but it has caused me to stop training. like today, i woke up late, and blardy flat battery made me missed the evening class as well, i wanted to go and train but my mind is preoccupid with the guilt that i missed my lessons. oh well.

some pple fight harder when they are lagging. i'm the opposite. i only have more motivation when i'm in front. even during normal running sessions, if my fren has overtaken me, i would just tried a little more and then give up. however, if i'm in front with him closing in, i will fight my life for it. i will run until i'm out of breath JUST TO BE in front.

has been down this weekend. everyone around me seems so moody. it really gets into me. hai~ i rollerbladed like 20km alone just to sort out my thoughts. and to be frank, i really don't know what's wrong. i just don't feel like doing anything, as in, i have no motivation in nothing right now.

now, i'm just looking forward to the motivation to train hard. like i used to. maybe then, things will turn for the better.

we were just chatting about how T get so anxious and jittery and concerned with the gal he's interested in. make me think back how i used to consult friends and pple around me for every little thing lain does. guys are still clutz when we deal with the gal whom matter the most to us. we want to leave a perfect impression. it has also been long since i am sweet to a gal. then again, probably i wasn't really sweet to anyone. heh.

quite some time ago, someone was sharing with me how i should go about wooing a gal. he told me that if i cant express myself, i could write a letter. i told him, i used to write letters and hand delivered them. he also tell me maybe i can send sweet messages to say that "i miss you" kind of stuff. i told him that i went to her house, and said that i miss her so much i wanted to see her. haha. damn. those were the days. nowadays, i simply don't care.

we were talking about what we will do with the numbers we get from clubbing. i told them i used to call the next morning "just to say hi". nowadays, if i get a number, which is quite easy for me i must say, i will just send a sms "xxxx here." two words. if she's interested, she will call back. of coz, i'm not those who just ask for the number. normally i managed to get a number after a small conversation. and so far, every single one of them called. lol.

i miss those sweet feelings of being in love. however, i miss them doesn't mean i want them. i'm still very happy. and i suddenly realised how high my expectations were even to choose a gal out for a date. oh well, i just cant settle for anyone i see right. she must be perfect the moment i see her. perfect in my eyes. and she must never score less than perfect as we move along. tt's how bad it is. i cant really quantify what's perfect and what's not. but when it happen, i know. it's like a x-factor thing.

perhaps i should be less friendly to girls. i'm so close to some that they can easily treat me like a sister and they enjoy talking to me because its like talking to their sisters! WTF!?! as good as that can be because i learn alot of things, i will get too comfortable. fuck. what if i turn gay?! and worse, SISSIFIED GAY?!

all in all, please all my frens, please! stop being worried about my love life well being. i'm not at all concerned neither am i very eager to meet the one. sometimes, i just want to talk about things i miss. doesnt mean i want them. in fact, right now, i'm so pissed off with a gal that it's creating another layer of irritation about having a partner. and, i don't have time for such a thing. bleah~

love is all around me

i'm up since 6am. i miss morning fresh air. decide to give clubbing a miss last night because i don't see any point in it. i asked myself what do i want to gain from there. nothing. so i asked again, if clubbing is about escapism, what am i trying to escape? nothing. so i sat down and watched terminator 3.

i'm bored. so early in the morning on a saturday. i ain't going running because i'm still damn sick. i wanna swim but the pool is not opened. i wonder what i can do. nothing much on tv either. and anyway, bro is still sleeping. so tv might not be a good idea. then again, that's wat he always do to me when i'm sleeping. bleah~ i'm not going to start whining about it anyway.

bored bored bored. i feel like fixing something now. maybe i will go fix my mtb and go for a ride later. heh.

from now onwards, i will blog my life, as in the superficial part of it on

http://liquidax.livejournal.com/

please proceed there to see my life thru my eyes. other than that, this shall be maintained as well. this is like my diary. not all know about this, so i will really appreciate minimal publicity.

thanks.

i had a new hobby. rollerblading. and i just bought a pair of blades for it. i figured it is more economical than to rent one every weekend. it's a good hobby. friends get together, do some sports, rather than our usual eating and drinking outing.

i just had the most expensive supper ever. i felt like drinking fishball soup after i reach home from chomps. friends said they will go out but not so early. so i took a cab down, met another guy for soup first. end up, we were stood up. damn! we went to the 25storeys flat where G and i had been to. nice and sweet memories. heh.

don't you just hate it when people throw all shit at you and when things don't go well, they blame you? hai! i'm going to play missing for a while. it's ridiculous to blame me for everything. it's unfair to throw everything at me in the first place. all the rest know is just to whine and whine over emails. damn it. i hate working with undergraduates. a bunch of idiots who only know how to whine. what's with my generation?!

i also don't like it when people called me up, asked me if i want to go out and expect me to organise the whole outing. if i really want an outing, i would have initiated it. the worst is those who call me up and tell me, "i don't mind going bla bla" i mean, if you want to go, just say you want to go. what's so embarrassing about it? we are all friends.

blading later. i feel like cycling now. i can't sleep. shit. school is starting. i hope i can get my money back. it's quite sad that you have to lie to your friend that you can only afford to lend him 50% of what he wanted because you know that he's not going to return it to you. i didn't even want to lend him. i know i will have trouble with finance this month. this fellow better don't disappoint me.

shit. i really shouldn't chanced upon such thing at 4am.

nike cycling

the gears are so cool!!

it's amazing pple never believe how fat i am. like wat kim say, it's not abt dieting. it's abt hiding the fats (facts) well. my hands and legs are still so skinny. blardy beer belly.

watching "click" made me realised how i have neglected so many people and so many things around me. i feel quite guilty.

it got me thinking. when i die, what would you say in the eulogy?

however, sometimes i'm just tired of putting in effort to catch up with everyone. it just seem so hard. it's not like i didn't try. i just felt that i don't get the response. too tired. i don't even have time for myself. (that's a common excuse for everyone of us who missed out on others isn't it)

do you click?

astrology for triathletes, triathlete, October 2005

AQUARIUS
January 20 to February 18

you have talent to spare but unconventional training habits. your approach to training and racing is almost intuitive. you have the genes but not necessarily the self-discipline (HOW TRUE!) to always make it come altogether. what comes as a shock to your friends is that you frequently BEAT THEM despite utting in far few training miles.


this month, realrun and AHM. good luck, to me.