sometimes, don't you feel so sian and needed just someone to talk to you so much? maybe you began to look for company to keep you occupied and happy. but when it is so tough even to get to the company you love most, you just give up. i'm not a friend of convenience. i'm not there only if it is convenient. so i do not expect the same. i do not expect myself to go all out of the way (literally maybe) even when you do not even want to provide some assistance. i miss the company alot but please don't make it tougher for me to reach you. don't test. my (im)patient might overcome the love.

im back to the sick topic of listening and helping people with their problems with the whole world forgetting that i'm just human as well. i also will feel down. i also need some attention. i also need someone to ask me what's wrong. i also need someone to hear me out. i also need someone to be with me. isn't it so hard?

God's love is the only reminder for me to keep on being patient and nice and all. at times, i just felt like dropping everything. i can also be the jerk around. i can also be the backstabber around. i can also be the self-centered guy around. i shouldnt let myself be stepped on like that all the time. perhaps it is my purpose here in life. to make everyone around me feel good. i shall hold on to that.

damn sian. today is one of the lousiest days.

long long long long long story. eventually, i couldn't take it. left home at 11pm to go downstairs for supper and took a walk around the neighbourhood. it's always nice to take a walk on sunday night. there will be minimal traffic and movement. it is extremely peaceful.

now back home at 2am, as much as im tired, i don't feel like sleeping because i want to enjoy the peace i'm having now. the peace for me to do my own things as much as it is just reading magazines and books and watching tv. remind me why i always yearn to stay alone. or for a matter of fact, not staying with my bro. maybe not sharing a room will be good enough for me.

looking forward to the coming week. with all the activities to keep me occupied, keep me busy. i'm hooked to that. i can't stand having nothing to do. i just want to do something productive.

let me just enjoy being selfish. let me just enjoy doing things that make me happy. let me just stop thinking about others and think about myself.

days have been good. rather busy to really think about things or rather busy to put them into words.

of late, i have switched my bio clock to a very healthy level. i will wake up early in the morning, without wanting to go back for more sleep, then i will be busy doing things until at night, before i go back to sleep at a healthy hour. i feel healthy, useful, productive and efficient. keeps me happy as well, i don't know why. maybe it's all the training. every aspect has been improving. now we will be having run at macritchie every weekend morning. shiok. last sat 10k was shiok!

i was just thinking, in the past, i always treat people around me like robots. this behaviour means this and that means another and each with their own unique individual solutions. for the record, it has been successful all along. lately, i have learnt to deal with things by looking at the person as the person himself/herself. a problem is no long just a problem. it is now related to the person. and i realised that i can better handle alot of things more efficiently now. solution now come faster and more naturally. or rather, it is not always to seek for a solution now. "solutions" are not the solutions for all problems. btw, i'm not having problem. i'm just learning from other people's problem. haha.